second chance
by reno-nameless
Summary: she wasn't watching life with rose-colored glasses. hers were black. she's broken and all she wants is to make it end. but fate gives her a second chance and she meets a family she suddenly can trust and then there is this certain blond she likes
1. Later today i chose to die

**okay first of all english is NOT my mother tongue so please forgive any mistakes i'm going to make and i am 100% sure there are going to be some. i thought there would be more audience for an english story than a german one.**

**second this is my first attempt in writing a story, so please don't kill me with your reviews but i had this idea stuck in my mind and i needed to get it out and i'm open for constructive criticism.**

**and last but not least i sadly don't own anything. i'm just using the characters and play puppets with them in my own mad world.**

**as a WARNING i have to say that this story is going to contain some serious issues like abuse, rape and suicide so you don't like it don't read it**

Bella POV:

I still wasn't able to really grasp the fact that I made it back to Forks. It was one of the worst years of my life but I made it. I finally was home again or at least it felt like home considering the fact that I didn't have any place to stay or even a family to go to. It was weird to feel home again sitting in front of my father's grave. Also sitting here surrounded by woods brought back the feeling of safety. And even the once hated rain that now mingled with my tears while it caressed my cheeks was here to lull me back into the sweetest memories I had. It was beautiful and I drowned in those felling for as long as I could. This town gave me a wonderful gift. Now that the day has come where I chose to die it gave me those feelings back. Feelings I hadn't felt for the last eleven years. Feeling that were replaced by fear and guilt and hurtful memories. But now that doesn't matter anymore. Later today the sun would shine. Later today I chose to die.

**okay so what do you think?**

**please review**


	2. not like this'

And here I was sitting in front of my father's grave and cried. I cried for the time we had and the time we could have had. I could no longer hold the memories back. Back then when I was a little girl my life was perfect. It was just me, my Mum and my Dad living in this tiny town named Forks. Back then I hated the rain. It always makes the woods look sad. I know it's a weird thought but I was six years old and simply didn't like the rain. On the other side I kind of liked the rain a bit or at least the consequence of getting a hot chocolate when coming home. My Dad would pick me up from daycare and together we would go get my Mum at the bookstore she was working at to go home. She would make us all a cup of hot chocolate and we would sit down to talk about our day. And every time I told them what I learned or which girl I befriended they had this proud and loving smile plastered on their faces. But on my seventh birthday everything changed and my life became a living nightmare.

_Flashback:_

_My Mum wanted to hang up some decorations, for when my friend from daycare would come over for my birthday party, while my father and I would go to the grocery store to by some candies and stuff. It was always the same. My mother would forget to buy half of the list of things she needed to buy for the party, so my Dad and I had to do some last minute shopping. But I thought it was fun and this year it was the same. We arrived at the grocery store and my father gave me one of those shopping carts for kids and told me I was allowed to go alone to find me some candies for my party and afterwards should go to the cashier and wait there for him. I was so proud when he told me I was now a big girl and that he trusted me. With a big smile plastered on my face I took the cart and went for the section where I knew I would find the candies. When I was finished I rushed through the store to go wait for my Dad like I promised. I turned the last corner and could see that he was already there and with him another man with a gun. As soon as I came around the corner they both turned to me and the man pointed the gun at me. My Dad reacted immediately and grabbed the man's arm and fought for the gun. Then suddenly there was a big bang and my father fell to the ground. The man dropped the gun and ran away. I just stood there and stared at my father lying on the floor in a pool of his own blood before I lost consciousness. As I woke up I was in the hospital and my mother was at my side. She noticed me at stared at me like I was some stranger. There wasn't love or worry. Her eyes were cold, judging and full of hate. She started to get up and leave the room but before she shattered my little world just by saying one little sentence. "He's dead and it's your entire fault." And then she was gone. In that moment I broke. I didn't cry, I didn't move. I just stared at the closed door and broke apart. I wasn't the little happy girl anymore. After I came home from the hospital she left me alone. She tolerated me in her home, nothing more and soon after I started to believe her. It must have to be my fault or why would she treat me like that. She was my mother. I believed her when she repeatedly told me it was my fault. I believed I wasn't allowed to be happy anymore. I didn't fight when she told me I wasn't allowed to go to the funeral. I didn't fight when she told me we would move a month after the funeral. It was my punishment for killing my father._

_Flashback end_

It started to change nearly a year after my father's death. I was having weird dreams and they soon changed into visions whenever I touched something or someone. It took me awhile to discover that I was seeing the past of these things or those people. I was scared and told my mother. She just laughed at me and said I was a stupid little kid. The night she told me that I cried myself to sleep. I decided that she wasn't my Mum anymore. She didn't love me. She didn't comfort me when I was scared. It also was the night I noticed she lied to me. I replayed the scene in the grocery store in my head for what felt a million times. It was never my fault. I couldn't take in that she made me feel all this guilt for what happened that day. The next day I mustered all my courage to tell her my feelings. But that day she didn't come home alone. There was a man at her side. His name was Phil and I couldn't stand him the moment he walked through the door.

That was all I could take. I didn't want to remember what happened after that day. I didn't want to remember all the pain when he reminded me of my father and laughed at me when I started to cry. I didn't want to remember why my body was covered in scars. I didn't want to remember all those nights I didn't spend alone in my room after I turned fourteen. I didn't want to remember what happened on my seventeenth birthday. This night broke me more than humanly possible. I tried to erase this memory and I became good at suppressing it. The entry in my diary was the only remembrance I willingly kept. The one positive aspect of that night was that I ran. I took a few dollars, some clothes, my diaries and some keepsakes of my father and ran. I swore to myself to end my life but before I wanted to visit my Dad one last time. And finally I made it. After one year living on the street I cadged enough money to come here. I already knew where I wanted to do it. There was a place in the woods near the cliffs where my Dad and I often went camping. Although he always needed to take some bandage with him for me, because I was the clumsiest person you can imagine. I would always come home with scratches. But it was a beautiful place and I wanted to die there. Even the weather would play along and the sun would appear later today. I bought enough painkillers and sleeping pills to help me sleep forever in this place. I said goodbye to my Dad and started to leave the cemetery when suddenly I had the feeling like someone was watching me. I turned around and searched the area but couldn't find a single soul. My mind told me I have to be alone, but the feeling was still there. I started to walk again and wanted to enter the forest when the feeling suddenly grew stronger. I hesitated but turned again and like before on the cemetery I couldn't see anybody. I went back on the street to have a better look at my surroundings but still didn't saw anyone. The moment I chose it was just my imagination and I wanted to turn back the rain stopped and the sun came out. I lifted my head and spotted something in a tree across the street. There sitting on a branch of a tree was a boy around twenty. The first thing that crossed my mind was _'beautiful'_. He was tall, approximately 1,80 and he had honey blond hair. He was slender but muscular as far as I could see. Where once my stomach was was now a warm fuzzy feeling fighting for attention. Looking into his eyes made me calm and … oh god those eyes. They were golden. Before I could lose myself in his eyes the angel – I was sure he has to be one – looked to the right. I heard the panicked screech of the car brake before I saw the car my angel was looking at. The last thought that crossed my mind was _'not like this'…_


	3. meeting the Cullens

The next time I woke up my head was killing me. I tried to open my eyes but my view was still clouded. Someone was moving in front of me. I couldn't clearly see who it was and all I recognized was that it must be a man. He was tall and had blond hair and that made it. _ 'Phil' _my mind screamed and I panicked. I leaped of the couch I was lying on and ran to the other side of the room. I think I crashed some of the furniture but I couldn't care less at the moment. All I felt was panic and I fought to keep the memories back. But suddenly I felt calming waves that helped me to clear my mind. I took a closer look at the man standing shocked near the couch. I now did see that he didn't even slightly looked like Phil. He too had blond hair but his was much brighter and he has to be younger, approximately around 28. I don't know where it came from but something about him now screamed trust and father for me. I started to feel embarrassed for the stunt I pulled and slowly the blood was rising to my cheeks. I looked away and noticed the other people' standing in what I assumed was the living room.

The one standing on the far right of the group was the biggest guy I've ever seen. He looked like a bodybuilder ready to break down a wall and that scared me. All I could think of where the ways he could hurt me with his strength. But then he started to smile and my fear vanished completely. He looked like a big five year old teddy bear. I suddenly felt that as long as he was in the same room with me I would be safe. He had his arm around a beautiful girl. I couldn't find more words to describe her. She had model like features. Her body was shaped in the perfect way and her long satin like blond hair added to it. Her looks made me feel plain and my selfesteem was gone hiding under the matress. But this feeling of trust was there as well. Another couple stood in the middle of the room. This boy was not as tall as the first one and he was lean compared to him. He had bronze like hair and looked at me like he was searching for something but couldn't find it. He too had a girl on his arm. She was – well – pixie like. She was short with spiky black hair and one of the biggest smiles I ever saw. As well as with the others I felt I could trust them. The last two people I could see weren't a couple the women walked over to the man and leaned on him. Two words popped in my mind and those were _'mother'_ and _'love'_. My eyes travelled over to the last person standing in the far away corner of the room and I was shocked. He was the boy I thought seeing sitting in the tree. I quickly looked away but the warm feeling was coming back. They were all really beautiful and had those weird golden eyes although they didn't look related.

Through all the staring I didn't notice at first that the man was talking to me. "I'm sorry. What did you say?" he smiled and repeated his little speech. "My name is Carlisle Cullen and you are at our home. I am a doctor so my kids brought you here after the accident. Do you feel okay? I don't think that the stunt you just pulled might be helpful with your head." Now that he mentioned my head I felt the headache double. I went over to the couch and sat down again massaging my temples. The women went for what I assume the kitchen because she came back with a glass of water and some aspirin. I gladly took them from her and drowned the water. Now that I sat back down and started to think straight again I remembered the accident. It was a silver car I think. But when I was here where …? "I remember the accident. Well kind of." I shoot this Carlisle a questioning look and waited for further explanations. I wasn't really sure what I should believe considering the fact that I thought I saw an angel sitting in a tree. "It was outside of town, near the old cemetery. You were nearly run over by a car. My daughter Alice was driving" - he pointed at the pixie like girl – "but my son Jasper" - he now pointed to the boy I thought was the angel – "pulled you away. He's often walking through the woods and came by in the right moment." I wanted to say thank you or at least something like that but before I could even open my mouth this Alice girl threw herself around my neck. I was shocked and couldn't move until my headache started to worsen and I felt dizzy. The low hiss that escaped my mouth made her drop her arms immediately. She went back to her boyfriend and her face changed into an even more remorseful look like she already had. "I'm sorry. I haven't kept my eye on the street and missed you standing there. I am so sorry I nearly killed you." You could see that she really was sorry. But there was something off with the way she said she didn't kept her eye on the street and her boyfriend started to smile but I still kind of trusted her. Maybe my gift if you want to tell it that was the reason for those feelings. I learned to control my gift. It took me years but I did it. For that one I have to thank Phil. He was the major reason for me to learn faster otherwise every time he laid a hand on me all the things he did would be repeated in my mind. But although I mastered it I couldn't really turn it off. Maybe the past of them would justify those feelings but I couldn't just steal their stories. It wasn't my right to know if they didn't want me to know. I noticed that I spaced out and they started to throw me some worried glances. I could already feel the burn on my cheeks. "Sorry I spaced out. You don't have to blame yourself so much, Alice. I shouldn't have stood there in the first place. I'm just glad that your alright and not hurt." And soon she started to smile a little bit again. "Oh I'm sorry dear" - the woman at Carlisle's side started to have her say. – "let me first introduce you to everyone. Well you know my husband Carlisle. My name's Esme and these are our kids Edward, Alice, Emmet, Rosalie and Jasper. Should we call someone for you? Someone who needs to know where you are and that you are okay…?" "Bella. My name is Bella and no or at least not now. Well me and my Mum" – I ignored the immense pain that clenched around my heart but didn't ignore the fact that Jasper slightly flinched at that moment. In my mind I added this to the list of sights about them. – "are moving right now and we wanted to stop by at our old home here in Forks and visit my Dad. But there were problems with the buyers so she stayed behind for a few days. I should have waited for her at the old Motel. But then I went to the cemetery first of all and then the accident happened. The problem is, if I call my Mum right now she would rush down here and in her panic like state she's predestined for accidents. I don't want to risk that. I would be fine if someone could just drop me of at the motel."

During the years I learned how to lie and again I was happy for my fantasy to come up with a story so fast and hoped they would buy it. I watched them closely as they thought about what I said and I could see the doubts in their eyes. Jasper didn't look doubtful he looked like he exactly knew I lied. Why didn't they just believe me? All I wanted to do was to go to my happy place and sleep forever. Of course it ought to be clear to me that this would not be easy. "I'm not sure it's such a great idea if you stay alone at the Motel." – Of course the doctor would mind. – "You might have a concussion. Well you said you don't want to call your Mum, then maybe its best when we get you to the hospital. There would always be someone to look after you." Bring me to the hospital? He can't do that. First I hated Hospitals since I woke up after my seventh birthday and second it would be a simple thing for a nurse to see all my scars and I just don't want to answer any questions. It would cost valuable time. "Carlisle, no offense but I hate hospitals and in general everything related to. It would be fine if someone could just drop me off." Oh, please let me go. The sun would soon go down and I would have to wait until tomorrow. It's rare enough for the sun to shine two days in a row here in Forks. "Bella I don't take it personal. But I still don't like the idea of you alone for the night. Maybe if you hate hospitals that much you could just stay the night with us. I think no one of us would mind you stay over. And your backpack is already here so that won't be a problem." My backpack's here? Oh my god. I really hope they didn't take a look inside. I would never be able to come up with a story for all the sleeping pills and painkillers inside. I searched the room and saw it leaning against a wall. It at least didn't look touched. "Oh, I don't want to be a burden and it's not the first time I hit my head somewhere" – although HE often helped – "and stay alone for a while. My Mum's working a lot. It once even was a severe concussion and I'm still alive so don't worry." Instead of Carlisle, his wife Esme answered me. "Nonsense, as if you would be a burden. You can take it as apologize for almost running over you with a car. I have to say I really do find it reckless of your mother to leave you alone in such situations." Before she could continue with her rage speech, Carlisle put a calming hand on her arm. "If you knew." I thought but it seems I said it out loud, because everyone was staring at me. I played dump and they stopped the stares. I was massaging my temples again because the headache was coming back. "I'm sorry but it's a sensitive topic for me. But please stay. I see that you still have a headache and I would just go crazy with worry if you would go now."

I knew she was right. I would never make it to the cliffs. I would break down somewhere on the way. I could stay the night. Maybe I get some luck and the nightmares won't come. But I feared they would still be there like every other night. But the major problem was that I would talk in my sleep and I couldn't risk someone to hear, especially not the Cullen's. They were all so nice. They had a happy and intact family. What decided it for me was Esmes pleading face. She felt like a mother and I didn't want to disappoint her. "Okay, I stay. All I need is a pillow and a blanket. The sofa's realy comfortable to sleep on." Esmes face was hilarious. She looked like I slapped her right in the face. "Rubbish, we do have guest rooms. Like I would let you sleep on the couch. You don't just need a Pillow and a blanket. First of all you need something to eat. Even I can hear your grumbling stomach." I was completely dumbfounded and let her drag me to the kitchen where she sat me down on a chair and started to make dinner for me. I made the mental note to never again fight against her motherly instincts. She made spaghetti with tomato sauce. I got second helping twice what made the Cullen's who sat down with me giggle. No wonder I was hungry. My last meal was three days ago. I wasn't really used to the amount of food I ate considering the fact the past eleven years I practically had to steal my meals. Even back then when I was still living with Renee. I had to hide the fact that I ate or HE would have beaten me for taking food without asking. Carlisle was the only one analyzing me. You could see that he at least guessed that I was too thin but I hoped he couldn't see how much underweight I was. It would mean question and that's something I couldn't afford. After I finished eating Esme showed me the guestroom. I took my backpack and vanished into the associated bathroom. I showered and just wanted to grab one of the towels Esme said I could use, when I coughed my reflection in the floor length mirror. It wasn't a beautiful sight. To sum it up I existed of nothing more than skin and bone covered in scars. There was a story to every scar and I was able to remember them as if it just happened yesterday. I couldn't take it any longer and put on some fresh clothes. Before I left the bathroom I took two of the sleeping pills in the hope they would help me into a peaceful slumber for once, which as it turned out didn't work.


	4. it was finally over

First it was all so confuse. I didn't know where or when this dream or memory was playing but then I was able to focus on a pair of beautiful golden eyes. They looked at me like they knew all my deepest secrets. Suddenly a silver car was coming at me and HE and Renee were sitting behind the wheel. It was all happening so fast I thought it was real. Only when I bolted into upright position with a bloodcurdling scream I realized it was a dream. As soon as the realization hit me the door flew open. Standing there where Carlisle and Esme. The pajamas they were wearing looked kind of wrong on them. A feeling told me they usually wouldn't wear them. I was still breathing heavily but slowly calmed down. Meanwhile Carlisle and Esme came over to the bed and Esme immediately wrapped her arms around me. I did not even notice that I didn't flinch away from her touch. Her touch was cold but it still felt right for me. I just enjoyed the moment. It was like I was five again and Renee wrapped her arms around me after a nightmare or when a storm would rise. She also whispered sweet nothings to me until I finally calmed down. "Shh… It was just a nightmare. Would you like to talk about it, maybe it would help?" It was so nice of her to ask, to care about a total stranger like that. But when I told them my dream I would have to give them some kind of an explanation why I hated my mother and feared her boyfriend. I just couldn't. It was weird. For the first time I felt bad for lying. "It's okay. I'm sorry if I have woken you up I was just dreaming about the accident. I'll be fine." "You don't have to be sorry. After what happened today you have to cope. Better you try to go back to sleep. If you need something please come to us. Our room is right across the floor, okay?" I smiled reassuringly at her and they left me alone again.

As if I would sleep again. I decided to go down and read a bit. I saw that they had a great collection and I thought they wouldn't mind me borrowing a book for the night. So I sneaked back into the living room and searched the shelves. The moonlight shining through the huge glass wall was helping, so I didn't have to turn on the lights. I was surprised to find my favorite book 'Creepers' amongst them. Right as I was going to take it I heard a voice behind me. "You're still awake too?" it nearly scared me to death and as I spun around to see who it was I managed to smack the person pretty hard, more or less on purpose. I realized it was Jasper. He leaned down to me and I thought he now wanted to hit back. During the time I lived with HIM I learned fast that this was the only logical consequence so I lifted my hand protectively in front of my face but after the light turned on I grasped that he was leaning down to reach for the light switch not my face. After I looked back at him I was startled. Jasper wasn't angry he was completely flabbergasted. He looked at me like I accused him of cooking living puppies. "Sorry." Was all I could mumble before I turned and started to walk upstairs again but Jasper grabbed my arm before I was out of reach. "Please stay. You wanted to read, right?" I gave up. I simply couldn't deny the fact that, except the moment before, I felt comfortable around Jasper, so I grabbed the book out of the shelf and sat down on the sofa. It surprised me that Jasper moved to sit down with me. I wanted to say something but he was already lost in his own book so I kept my mouth shut and started reading myself and like every time I read a book I started to get sucked up into the story. At first I didn't even noticed that Jasper was watching me as I turned page after page. After I was done with half of the book I needed to shift my position and when I looked up I caught his gaze. He kept staring and I got the feeling I wouldn't like the question he was obviously going to ask. "Bella, did you really think I would hit you?" I knew I couldn't give him a plausible answer that would satisfy him without giving away my secrets. All I could come up with was to base my reaction on the stress of the day. "I don't know why I reacted that way. It was just a reflex. Maybe what happened today was too much for me. I've expected all."

It seemed like he believed me but the look in his eyes told me otherwise. There were some doubts about my story but he turned back to his book and didn't press the subject. Therefore I was glad and started to read again myself. I just finished the last page of the book as the sun started to rise. A quick glance at the clock told me it was way past eight. For me that counted as a new record. But I wasn't the only one finishing a book within merely 10 hours. Jasper as well as me just turned his last page and came back from his own world and throw me some appreciative glances. I felt my cheeks turn red under his stares. I wasn't used to someone looking at me like that. I knew glares and the pity looks the people threw me when walking through the streets the last year but never did anyone look at me like Jasper. That warm feeling that I felt when I saw – or imagined – him in that tree was coming back. Right that moment Esme and Carlisle came down the stairs. Those worried glances they were throwing me and Jasper didn't seem real but I just added that new point to my mental list about them. Carlisle was the first one to gain his composure back and he immediately turned into doctor-mode. "Did you two stay up all night? Bella, you should have rested. How do you feel?" I didn't like the attention. I needed to divert him. "I know, I'm sorry but I feel fine and Jasper stayed with me. I would have told him if I didn't felt so well. I hope its okay I borrowed a book?"

I don't really know how but it seemed to work just fine because he started laughing. "You don't need to ask me. Ask Jasper. Those are all his books." He was still snickering as he followed Esme into the kitchen. I wanted to say something but couldn't form a coherent sentence. It must have been a funny sight as I sat there and kept opening and shutting my mouth like a fish, because Jasper really had to fight not to laugh. "Those are all yours? Please don't tell me you read them all." There have to be more than 300 books. Jasper now couldn't fight anymore and started to lustily laugh. It was such a carefree sound. That warm feeling in the pit of my stomach grew stronger and rose to my heart. I would have loved to sit on that couch forever to listen to his laughter but he was laughing at me and – although I don't know where I took the courage from – I grabbed a pillow and threw it right into his face. He immediately stopped to laugh and looked at me with such a bewildered expression that I involuntary started to laugh myself. He looked like he couldn't believe I really hit him and more as that took him off guard. With tears of pure joy in my eyes I felt the headache coming back but I didn't really mind. It just felt so natural to joke with Jasper.

Attracted by the sound of our laughter Carlisle and Esme came back into the living room. They both were smiling. In that moment sitting on the couch of total strangers and intruding on their every day routine I felt content. Of course the moment wasn't going to last for forever and soon Carlisle reminded me that I wasn't going to stay with them. "Bella, Esme made something for breakfast for you. When you're finished I can take you to the motel. It's on my way anyway." Finally. If we leave soon I would have all day to reach the cliffs. Finally I wouldn't have to lie anymore and could keep my promise. One part of me was happy to be able to go but another part of me wanted to stay, wanted to tell them what happened, to be part of this family. "Thanks. That would be very nice." With a half sad smile I stood up and followed Esme into the kitchen. That something she made for breakfast turned out to be freshly baked muffins and waffles. They still were warm. I ate enough to feed two grown man and after I finished I started to do the dishes but Esme immediately intervened. I remembered that I didn't want to fight her motherly instincts, so I let her be. Walking out of the kitchen to meet Carlisle I caught a glance of the calendar hanging at the door. I knew it has to be September but I didn't know the exact date. I silently prayed it wouldn't be the one I feared it to be. "Esme?" She immediately turned as soon as she noticed my trembling voice. "What is the date today?" Her former worried gaze now changed into a confused one. "It's the 13. of September, Honey. Why do you ask?" Of course it would have to be this date. Right this day eleven years ago my life took a turn for the worst. I laughed dryly, thanked Esme again for the breakfast and went upstairs to get my things. My mind went blank. I couldn't think; I couldn't feel. All I did was to function. So today was the day. I would die on my birthday.

I went down and said goodbye to everyone. I wasn't looking at one of them and somehow I couldn't. A small part of me still didn't want to leave. I barely knew them for 24 hours and with most of them I didn't even changed a single word but I felt like I could trust them, like they were a part of me I couldn't risk to lose. They felt like family. No more than that they felt like MY family. With them I was laughing again. After eleven years of hiding my feelings, of crying and hurt I was laughing again. They were the first in such a long time to show me compassion and caring. Saying goodbye to Jasper was the worst. The warmth I felt every time he was near me was trying to hold me back and I still couldn't place the feeling. After I was done I went over to the car Carlisle was waiting at and got in. Throughout the whole ride neither of us spoke a word as I continued to stare out the window. I didn't even notice that we arrived until Carlisle tapped me on the shoulder. I smiled again and went to get out of the car. "Bella." I was about to close the door as I heard my name. I leaned back down to Carlisle who was holding out a business card to me. I took it but not without throwing him a questioning glance. "It's just in case. Please call if your headache is coming back or you start feeling dizzy, okay? Maybe we'll meet again." "Yeah, maybe." It hurt to lie to him. I really liked him, all of them. I wish my mother would have chosen someone like Carlisle to remarry. He was a kind-hearted man that would never even think about such cruel things like HE did to me. I finally closed the door and waited until he was out of sight afore I turned around and took a course into the woods. It would take a while to reach my destination.

Actually it did cost nearly the whole day and the sun was slowly setting down as I arrived. I changed on the way and was now wearing a little black dress with black leggings, black ballerinas and a long sleeved black jacket. I managed to braid my hair into two pigtails and wearing my hair like this made me feel a little bit like a little girl again. I spread the small blanket I always carried with me and got all the things I needed out of my backpack. I took the plastic cup I had and filled it with pills and water. I was pretty sure it wouldn't taste that good but what did I care. It would just be this once I needed to drink it so it didn't matter. As I waited for the sun do go down my mind began to wander. It played all those precious memories I managed to keep as I slowly but steadily drowned drop after drop of my deathly cocktail. I even managed to hold back all the painful memories that piled up after me tuning seven. Inevitably they turned to the Cullen family. I wondered what they would be doing right now. It was Saturday evening so I Carlisle has to be back from the hospital by now. Maybe he and Esme would spend a quiet night at home to reminisce or they would share a romantic dinner in a sweet little restaurant out of town. I was sure the others had something planned with their friends and beloveds too. Maybe they were thinking of the weird girl they met but soon she would be nothing else than a faded memory. All those thoughts of being forgotten made me sad. I didn't want to just be another memory for them. Especially not for Jasper and now thinking of him alone made those feelings coming back but now I finally realized what those feelings meant. I the broken, scarred pitiful little girl have fallen in love with a total stranger. Why me, why now? I at last made it back to Forks, back home to keep my promise and maybe to even see my Dad again. And now I find something or better someone who was able to evoke feelings that were able to make me want to stay. The sun was nearly set what made the woods and the ocean look like they were bathed in blood red paint. I tried to suppress the ne found feelings but kept crying for my now gained loss. After finishing those thoughts it didn't took so long for me to feel the first effects of the cocktail. My hands and feet were numb and I slowly started to get drowsy. Yesterday I still feared the nightmares but closing my eyes today would mean to stop them forever but before let my mind slip into the blackness I thought I heard someone calling my name but that was impossible. Who would come here also so late in the evening? "Bella!" There it was again much closer this time. Something moved in front of my visual field but I didn't care anymore. All I wanted to do was rest. I was so tired why couldn't they understand. "Bella, please stay. What did you do? Why? Please Bella stay with me. … I love you." It was Jaspers voice trying to keep me awake and although my heart started an emotional little happy dance at his words I couldn't hold on. My world turned black. It was finally over.


	5. Jasper's prayer

Jasper POV:

Bella. The name really suited her. She was beautiful. I was just coming back from hunting when I heard someone cry at the old cemetery. I was curious and took a detour following the noise. I found a young girl sitting in front of the gravestone of the old police chief of this little town named Forks. I didn't get hold of her face because I didn't wanted to expose myself by coming near her but what I could get a hold of where her feelings. They were so strong that one step closer would have sent me to my knees. There was so much pain and hurt but underlining everything was a sense of safety. I couldn't understand how she was able to feel such contrary emotions at the same time. I wasn't just curious anymore; I became intrigued to learn more about her. She whispered something that was too low for me to catch and went to go and I was going to follow her. As I stepped closer to her she suddenly stopped and turned. I could feel that she sensed me watching her and that she was able to do so just increase my fascination with her. She then shrugged and followed her path again and I followed her. There was this urge in me to do so and I couldn't comprehend why. Funny, I the empath wasn't able to place my own feelings. Silently chuckling at the irony I watched her as she began entering the woods but why would she go there. It wasn't a proper place to go and wander off for fun and to add to that it was still raining but it seemed like she didn't really mind. Since she left the cemetery there was a new addition to her feelings. She now had some kind of determination in her. I didn't know what she was determined to do and that kind of frustrated me more than I liked but before she entered the woods her feeling of being watched spiked and she turned again to search her surroundings. Of course she wasn't going to search the trees for someone sitting there and she was about to shrug it off again when she didn't found a single hint that someone was actually there as the rain suddenly stopped and the sun broke through the clouds. She moved to lift her head to look into the sun and I couldn't believe what I saw. My dead heart started to beat again just to be able to drop a beat as I looked into her eyes and she in mine. I then was distracted by the sound of a car coming down the street and looked to the right. I took me a millisecond to shake of the enchantment and to realize that she was standing in the middle of the street ready to be crushed by the silver Volvo. All I could do now was to pray that I was faster than the car.

Luckily I was and managed to get her out of the way. Unfortunately her head crashed against my shoulder and being what I am meant she would at least have a concussion. I hold her in my arms as I heard Alice come towards us. "Oh Jasper, I'm so sorry. I didn't see her at all. Please tell me she isn't hurt. Please." Alice was still rambling on as I lifted Bella into my arms and brought her over to the car. I slipped in with her on the backseat and waited for Alice to go in as well. I quickly explained to her that she hit her head and Alice immediately stepped on the gas pedal to go home. Luckily Carlisle had a day off from the hospital. She was still unconscious as we reached the house. I took her in my arms and brought her into the living room to lay her down on the couch. Alice ran for Carlisle to tell him what happened and after that searched for Edward to find some comfort herself. I couldn't blame her. She wasn't used to being 'blind'. Carlisle came rushed down the stairs and was fast at declaring it only a mild concussion. He said she would wake up soon and she did but I don't remember clearly what happened after that. Her feelings where so strong that I needed all my concentration stop my knees from shaking but I could still tell that parts of her story were lies. After she was finished eating and Esme took her upstairs I left the house to find some peace so I could sort out my thoughts and feelings. I didn't go that far away and when I still couldn't place them I went back just more frustrated than before. May be it would help me to read one of my books. It always calmed me so I went to enter the living room just to find her standing in front of the shelves filled with my books. Me suddenly standing behind her and talking to her startled her and earned me a slap in the face. But what took me more of guard was that she flinched away from me and went to protect her face as I reached for the light switch. Later that night I asked her about it but she just made up some excuse. It was hard to say goodbye to her the next day. I was sure I would miss her like hell and all I could hope for now that I would have the guts to do something as long as she was still staying in town.

And now here I was sitting on a tree frustrating myself. None of the others could stand to be near me anymore so they kicked me out. Carlisle was so kind as to accompany me but he needed to hunt anyway. All I could think of was that I desperately wanted her to stay with me but she wouldn't do that in a hundred years if she knew what I was and what I did in my past so I needed to figure out what to do. Additional to all this drama I still couldn't figure out my own damn feeling and that just frustrated me more than anything else. I needed to calm down and I knew just the right place to go to fulfill that task. On the first day we arrived at Forks I went to wander off into the woods. Let's just say I didn't want to disturb the others as they were busy with their inauguration of the new place. Wandering through the woods I found a beautiful place at the cliffs. That first time I spent three whole days there before I noticed the never ending ringing of my cell phone. Now I wanted to go there again. I took my time wandering human speed just to relish in the calm of the forest but as I neared the cliffs I coughed the smell of a human and not any human. It was Bella's scent. What would she do so deep in the woods and moreover that late in the evening. I followed her scent and it was leading me right where I was heading anyways and soon I spotted her through the trees. She sat on a little blanket and seemed to be deep in thought. I didn't want to startle her again so I called her name but she didn't respond. Coming near her I tried again and again there was no physical respond. I took a look at her feelings and all I could feel coming from her was recognition like she had some kind of epiphany and then there was love and sadness but the nearer I went the harder it got to read her feelings. It was like something was pulling them under, numbing her feelings like she was going to sleep. Then I was close enough to make out details and what I saw made me stop dead in my tracks. She wasn't just going to sleep because she was tired. She helped with that part and seeing the amount of pills she took she was definitely trying to kill herself. My dead heart broke and tore apart as I sprinted to her at vampire speed and took her in my arms. "Bella, please stay. What did you do? Why? Please Bella stay with me. … I love you." And then I had an epiphany myself. Everything I felt wasn't that new to me like I thought. I felt it a hundred times just that I always felt this when I was near the others. I Jasper Whitlock just fell in love with Bella and told her just now. But I was about to lose her as she closed her eyes and went limp in my arms. I couldn't let that happened so I screamed at the tops of my lungs for Carlisle. It did even hurt my own sensitive ears and I was sure that the others could have heard it also when they had been quiet that moment. Carlisle of course alarmed came rushing through the woods. He knew my past and he knew it must have been something gone terribly wrong if I wasn't able to defend myself and needed help. As soon as he saw me sitting at the cliffs with a nearly dead Bella in my lap he drew me a pitiful look. Did he really think I killed her? A low growl escaped my lips and I pointed to all the pills lying next to the girl in my arms. He immediately turned into doctor and gave me instructions as he went to call Esme to tell her what needed to be prepared. Meanwhile I managed that Bella puked so she didn't have anything left in her stomach but I could smell that there was still a lot of it in her blood. I started to pray again. I prayed for my Bella to be saved because if she died I was sure in that case no one was going to stop me and Esme and Carlisle wouldn't just lose a daughter but also a son and the others a sister and brother. I prayed that I didn't need to put them through this as I lifted Bella into my arms and run her home.


	6. second chance

Bella POV:

I felt so weak and the marching band that kept playing in my head wasn't helping the case. I felt that I was laying on a soft fabric most likely some sheets on a comfy bed and I immediately wondered how that could be. The last thing I consciously remembered was the sunset and slowly falling asleep after I took all those pills. Apart from that, I lying on this bed meant I failed, that someone found me and managed to bring me back. I wasn't able to keep my promise. I was still alive. I slowly opened my eyes as I now became curious who did that and discovered I know the room. It was the guest room of the Cullen family I used the night before. But that means I didn't hallucinate when I thought I heard Jasper calling my name and talking to me as he begged me to stay alive and told me he loved me. I couldn't believe this. Why would he tell me he loved me? I know I fall for him and I fall hard but there was no way someone as perfect as he is could fall in love with someone as broken as me. I managed to pull myself into a sitting position and noticed I was still wearing my clothes of course all crumpled and messy. As I was about to go see if I was alone at the moment I heard noises outside my room. It seemed like they were arguing and I couldn't make out whole sentences but it appears that someone was talking about finally finding his mate but I wasn't sure whether I get that right or not. Suddenly the door opened and Carlisle came to look after me and when he saw me sitting on the bed a relieved smile appeared on his face. When he was here it was real. I didn't die. I was still alive.

I hugged my legs to my chest and started to silently cry. Alarmed by my demeanor he came rushing to the bed but the sudden movement startled me and I backed away from him and slightly winced. He called for Esme like he exactly knew I would be much more comfortable with a woman around. I don't know why I reacted the way I did, especially after I just trusted them the other day. I shrugged the thought off and tried to calm down. Meanwhile Esme came and sat down on the bed on the other side of me. I was kind of embarrassed to be seen like that but Esme helped me to get rid of the feeling as she hugged me all of a sudden. "How are you dear?" I couldn't help but snort. It was a pretty stupid question given the circumstances and she grasped the fact herself but I didn't wanted to be impolite so I answered her anyway. "I don't know." It was all I could tell her without lying straight in her face. "Bella, what happened?" asked Carlisle with the most worried expression I've ever seen in my life. I couldn't tell them the truth although there was this urge to do so. I didn't want their pity I wanted to be part of their family even though I knew it was impossible. Maybe if I could make up a good enough story for them to let me go then I could find me a place to spend the rest of my life. I wouldn't try to die again. The promise was broken but I also didn't want to draw them with me. They were so happy. "It's nothing. You don't need to worry. It'll work out." Great, what an imaginative brain I have **(SARCASM! just to know)**.

"AS IF!" I winced again as Carlisle suddenly started to yell. I wasn't used to someone yelling at me without the intention to hurt me more afterwards. "Jasper and I found you half dead in the woods with an amount of pills that could easily knock out half of the town's population. That's NOT nothing." At least he wasn't yelling anymore. I knew he was right but I wouldn't and I couldn't tell them. "I think it's really better for you to be in a hospital. There will always be someone to look after you and you could talk to someone. And more important they would call your mother. She must be worried sick by now…" I didn't listen anymore. They would really call Renee and sent me back to HIM; back to hell. I wouldn't live trough that. I would be dead the moment I walk through the door of that hellhole; maybe not physically but mentally and emotionally I would be dead. I started to cry, my whole body shaken with sobs. I replayed the same sentence over and over again. "Please, don't send me back." It took nearly half an hour for me to calm down enough to recognize that Esme was rocking me in her arms and whispered sweet nothings into my hair. After a few more minutes there were only silent tears. "Dear, what happened to make you so afraid?" Esme asked. She didn't ask out of noisiness. It was clear in her voice that she really cared. I knew I need to tell them the truth now. No matter how hard I would try they wouldn't let me go. But the fact that she cared made me brave enough to do so in the end. I entangled myself from her to sit up on the bed. I moved around so that they had clear view of my back but I could still see their faces. Although I trusted them and they seemed to really care I knew there would be looks of disgust and repulsion. The dress I was wearing was a neck holder dress so the only fabric covering my back was the thin jacket I wore. I took it off and heard their immediate intake of breathe. First I didn't want to look but when I did I was surprised to find anger and sadness in their eyes instead of disgust. Esme was even at the verge shed some tears just by seeing that someone had hurt me in my past. It made my heart swell with warmth and gratitude.

I turned back so I was fully facing them and pulled my knees to my chest. It kind of made me feel like wouldn't fall apart the instant I start to tell them my story. "Please let me finish. I'm not even sure I can do that. I never told anyone." I waited for them to nod before I began."To understand you need to know my full name first. It's Isabella Swan. My Dad once was the police chief of this town as you may know. On my seventh birthday he was killed in a robbery. He was shot and it happened right before my eyes. Of course I broke down and woke up again in the hospital. My moth… my mot… Renee, the woman who gave birth to me was there." I couldn't call her a mother and I could see the sheer confusion on Esme's and Carlisle's faces as I used the words I did."She didn't care that I was still alive. She looked at me with so much hate it practically hurt me physical. She took me home but left me alone. I wasn't allowed to go to the funeral and we moved shortly after. She convinced me that everything was my fault and I believed her until one day and I decided that she wasn't my mother anymore but before I could tell her that she brought HIM home with her. They married when I was nine and the beatings started after I turned eleven. My body is covered in countless scars and I can retell every event that brought them on it. It got worse and worse and Renee didn't care. Most of the time she was laughing with HIM and someday even that wasn't enough of torture. HE needed to take everything away." Here I stopped. I needed the pause. Should I really tell them? But Esme kind of took away that decision for me. "Please tell me he didn't …. Please." She couldn't even say it out loud so I did it for her although it wasn't more than a whisper. "It was his present for me on my fourteenth birthday. After that there was barely a night I spent alone in my room. Renee of course became jealous and started to hit me herself or lock me up in my room." Esme was full out sobbing now and buried her face in her hands and Carlisle too was fighting back the tears. "The day of my seventeenth birthday HE just … did the unspeakable and I broke more than probably humanly possible and I swore to myself I would made an end to this. All I wanted was to say goodbye to my father. I never once before went to his grave. It took me one year living on the street and begging for everything I now own to get here." I was finished. There wasn't more to tell. Of course I didn't tell them about my gift. They would just think I'm crazy and put me into a loony bin. We spent a while in silence me just sitting there thinking about my not so bright future. Where I could go and stuff likes that, whereas Carlisle and Esme seemed to have some sort of silence conversation until Esme called for my attention. "Bella? I know it's strange because we don't know each other but you are dear to us. It feels like you're already a part of this family. Please stay with us. I don't want you to ever get hurt again." And with her words she started to cry again and I couldn't do anything else as to hug her and sob with her. She really wanted me to stay. Not because she would gain some benefit out of doing it but because she loved me and cared for me even though we know each other barely three days. I trusted her enough to see that in her eyes. As we both calmed down a bit I told her my answer. "Yes, I would love to stay." It wasn't more than a whisper but she heard it nonetheless and resumed in holding me tighter. After a few moments I noticed Carlisle was going to leave the room. Maybe he wanted to go tell the others or maybe he wanted to give us some privacy, it didn't matter. He would not get away with leaving. I untied myself from Esme and ran towards the door Carlisle had just reached although I stumbled more than I was running. Hearing me he turned in the right moment to catch me as I stumbled into him. I clung to his form and it is highly probable that he would have bruises tomorrow when I would tighten my grip just a bit. He took me into his arms and carried me back to the bed where I cried myself to sleep, always mumbling a 'Thank you' to him.

As I woke up again I felt rested. There haven't been any nightmares and what made it all even better was what happened yesterday. All I did was to trust them and tell them the truth and they granted me a second chance. I didn't matter how long or short of a time I knew them it took them just two days to bring me out of my shell. I knew they had a secret they would have to tell me but that didn't matter either. Nothing could be so bad to keep me away. I finally got a second chance at having a family. I wanted to see Esme again, to have a mother again, so I freed myself from the covers and stood up but forgot to involve my none fed circulation into the equation. Of course I fell and being me I took the bedside table with me shattering the lamp residing on it on the floor. I was about to go pick up the pieces as I felt a sting in my left knee. Just perfect. First of all I destroy some of the inventory and second I hurt myself by sitting on one of the shards. Happily it wasn't that big of a deal, a normal patch would be enough. I tried to stand up but started to fall again with the exception that this time I didn't hit the floor. Someone coughed me before and looking up I saw into Jaspers topaz colored eyes. "Thank you." I felt the blood rise to my cheeks and quickly looked away. I again went to pick up the pieces of the broken lamp but was stopped by Jaspers hand on my shoulder. "You go get ready. Esme made breakfast. I will take care of this." With a grateful smile I went to pick out some of my clothes and got to the adjacent bathroom but before I closed the door I coughed the sight of Jaspers now coal black eyes that were locked on my left knee. I closed the door and decided that I would ask them about that secret of theirs after my breakfast. I was kind of sure that none of the others would touch a thing and my mental list was just growing with every minute. It sure wasn't so bad as to make me change my mind and go but I was more curious the more time I spent in this house.

I finished my routine, luckily finding a plaster in the cupboard under the sink and went down to eat and similar to two days ago I found freshly baked pancakes and just as two days ago I ate enough to fed three grown man. When I was done I let Esme take the dishes and went into the living room waiting for everyone to join me. After everyone sat down me using the armchair separating me from the others who took the sofas I turned to Carlisle to start my questioning. "Carlisle? I know it's not my right to ask but …" Could someone please tell me why I was suddenly so shy. Luckily I wasn't stuttering. "Bella, what do you want to know?" Okay now or never. Or better not? It's not my place to know if they don't want me to tell. But they did question me too, so why not me. Oh god. I need to stop talking to myself like that. Just ask them. "Okay. I … I know you have a secret. Just watching your behavior confirms it and I do have a list of sights already." I add the last sentence after they all went stiff and Carlisle went to say something. "I know how it feels when you want to keep your secret so desperately a secret but I can't fight the feeling that yours is an important one that I would need to know. So?" They all visibly relaxed. "All right. You're right. We do have a secret you would need to know, we just thought we could do this differently. Well you said you had some observations. Why not start with that?" That I could do. So I started to list everything that coughed my attention. I started with the fact that I thought I saw Jasper sitting in the tree, Alice and Edward weird behavior when she said she couldn't see me, that they were cold, didn't eat and that Jaspers eyes turned from topaz to black in seconds. I mentioned every little thing I knew was off about them. Hell, I even mentioned that those pajamas looked kind of wrong on them when they were with me that night. Ending my list left me waiting for them to come out of their state of shock and giving me the answer to all of that.

"Wow. She really is a perceptive one." That bronze haired boy said. What was his name? Edmund? No, Edward, that's it. He didn't say it sarcastically. He was really awed what made me blush a bit. After everyone recovered from their shock Carlisle went to give me my answer. "Bella, everything you said was right and of course there is an explanation to it. Well, our eyes are topaz because of what we eat and when we're hungry they turn black but we don't eat the same food you do, so you never saw us eat. The reason those pajamas looked wrong on Esme and me was because we don't usually wear them. Not because we don't want to but we don't need to. The reason we're cold is that we are vampires." Vampires? He couldn't be serious about that, could he? Looking into his eyes he was. Were they some kind of a sect or something like that for because if they were I would leave? I didn't flee one hell to step willingly into another. So I stood up and went to go. "That's just ridiculous and you know it but I can see you believe this so I will go. I didn't manage to get out of that hell hole that was supposed to be my home just to stumble into the next one. I don't know if you're a sect or whatever but I don't want to be a part of it." As I was about to climb the stairs, saddened that my shortly gained second chance broke like a house of cards, when I heard Jasper speak up. "And what if we can prove it?" Now all eyes were on me waiting for my reaction but no matter how often I went through my list, no matter how desperately I wanted it to be true I couldn't believe them. It was just too much. So I told him there was no way. "Prove it? How? How do you want to prove something that does not exist? It's not like you can show …" I stopped my rant so abruptly that Carlisle must have thought I had a stroke the way he came rushing to me. I may have thought that too if I would have seen myself stopping my rant looking like a deer in the headlights. But the more important was that they could just show me. Being me I totally forgot my gift. With one touch I could easily see whether they told the truth or were nuts. I didn't answer Carlisle's frantic questions as he shook me slightly. "I'm sorry for stealing this from you." Was all I said to him before I practically slapped him in the face to build that bond with my touch that made me see his past like a movie in front of my eyes.

I saw everything. I saw his childhood and youth living with his bigoted father and like he tried to rule his life. I saw how he was turned and shed a tear for him and his hurt. I saw him struggle with being what he is but becoming a doctor in the end just so he could help others . I saw him finding his family and how they lived together. All his 300 years spent on this earth played in front of my eyes and I was happy. Happy they told the truth and partly happy that he wasn't older. The movie ended with me having my little rant and the bond broke. Holding that bond for that long was exhausting. I wasn't used to see more that maybe 20 years in a row, so it didn't surprised me when I started to shiver and my knees gave out under me. Luckily Carlisle still stood next to me. Otherwise I would have met the floor again. He took me in his arms and brought me back to the sofa. He sat me between him and Esme but I kept leaning on him as I tried to calm down. "Carlisle what happened? We tried to talk to you for nearly then minutes but you didn't answer. You seemed to be in trance." It was Esme who spoke first. There was utter confusion in her voice but also deep worry and before Carlisle could answer I spoke up. Well more like I panted as I hadn't really recovered from the exertion before. "That's .. my .. fault. I wanted .. to see if you .. told the truth .. and you did .. but you don't know .. that I have .. a gift. When I touch someone .. or something I can .. see their past. That's how .. I know and .. that's why you couldn't .. talk to us. Sorry I stole that .. from you. By the way, Carlisle? ..I think your father .. is an ass. Just so you know." I added earning me a silent chuckle from him. I knew he did because I still leaned on him and could feel his shoulders rising. After a moment of silence and me still panting the others started to talk about theories and stuff like that concerning my gift. Listening to them I learned that Edward could read minds but mine was an exception. I also was a black hole in Alice' visions and what Edward said made sense. Alice was always one step into the future and I was always one step into the past. It was possible that I could see Alice because she had a past of course but her sight was blocked because of me being one step into it and she could only see the future. It was like we were using different vehicles. I took the plane from where I can still see what lies beneath me when I look out of the window but Alice was driving a car and couldn't look up because of the roof of the car that blocked her view. He just used those terms because Emmet didn't understood the other way. After a few more minutes all the discussions ended and they turned to lighter topics. The only one not participating was Jasper. He either was looking out the window and thinking hard or he shot a glance at me. that was until he found whatever he was searching for. "Bella, can I talk to you? Alone?" I don't know whether the way he pronounced that 'Alone?' should make me giddy or nervous but I nodded anyway. He stood up and motioned for me to follow him. I did and noticed he was leading me into the woods. What would he want to talk about that required us to be away from the house so nobody could listen in. I wasn't afraid of him but it did make me nervous now. The love I felt for him came back rushing through my veins and he suddenly faltered in his stance like he knew but he couldn't, could he? I kept wondering as he led me further into the woods.

**Okay, I'm not that happy about that whole vampire-coming-out but I didn't want to let you wait any longer so here it is…**

**What do you think? Review!**

**Warm greetings to y'all !**


	7. please tell me there is hope

We didn't walk for more than 10 minutes until we reached a small clearing with waist-high grasses and a small stream. Jasper stood in the middle of the clearing with his eyes closed. He appeared to soak in the peacefulness of the place. He seemed to be at ease just standing there. Seeing him like that made me notice how on edge he was back at the house, like he was always holding something back; keeping control he could let go in this little bubble the clearing created. As I went closer he let go of the breath he was holding and a small smile appeared on his lips. He turned to me and held his hand out to me. "I want to show you something. Do you trust me?" In this moment he truly looked like an angel. At ease with everything, without any worries or doubts. I couldn't do more than nod. So I took his hand and he lifted me up bridal style in the blink of an eye. I closed my eyes and kept my face hidden in the crook of his neck as I felt him moving but I couldn't get myself to look where he was taking me. When he stopped he kept his hold on me and I waited for 3 more minutes to pass before I opened my eyes and what I saw made me speechless. Jasper brought me to the top of one of those tall trees that you could find in the forest. The view we had was outrageous phenomenal. You could see up to the cliffs and further more.

I managed to concentrate on the sight before my eyes before I got nervous again. I wasn't nervous that Jasper would let me fall but what he wanted to talk about. I looked back at him and noticed that his face was glowing what made me curious. Taking a closer look I could make out the faint lines of many crescent scars on his neck and the parts of his shoulders I could see. There even where some on his face. I was curious as to why he had those but I wasn't going to steal his story like I did Carlisle's. He noticed my stare and sat me down on the thick branch of the tree, still steadying me. Here comes the talk. Great.

"I see you recognized the glow. That's partly the reason you're here. You don't know everything about vampires and I wanted to tell you. You already know that we don't sleep or eat. Well not the same as you at least. We do drink blood, but our family only drinks animal blood. That's why our eyes are topaz instead of red like they would normally be. We do call ourselves 'vegetarian'. It's kind of an inside joke to us. We can't go out in the sun, because of this glowing. We would expose ourselves. We don't need to breathe and have super strength, speed and hearing. That means we know what you told Carlisle and Esme back at the house. I'm sorry we listened in on you but we all just worried so much." It was much to process. The information he gave me about being a vampire and their eavesdropping. I have to say that I was angry but as I looked in Jaspers eyes I couldn't find any betrayal. All there was was a silent plead to believe him, to trust him, to love him.

Wait, love? This can't be real. He wouldn't, he couldn't. Not someone like me. But what if? What if he fell for me like I had fallen for him? Maybe that's the other reason why he took me out here; to tell me he loves me. But please my silly heart. Don't hope. Don't give him the chance to destroy the parts that have just been fixed. Oh did I mention that I have the tendency to get overly dramatic? No? Well now you know it. I really should stop talking to myself like that. Maybe that's not even what he wanted to talk about. "Bella?" I totally spaced out. I concentrated back on him and waited for whatever he had to say. Mentally preparing for the worst. "You know there is more I wanted to talk to you about. Well, Bella, Edward and Alice are not the only ones with a gift. I do have one too." Okay, now I was curious as to what this gift of his would be. "Bella, my gift is that I'm able to feel and manipulate everyone's emotions." Wow that's a pretty impressive gift, but a curse too if you reflect on it more accurately. It must be hard to always feel when someone's angry or sad or when they're in pain. He really must have some control. That must have been the reason he acted like he did back down in the clearing. Back down there and up here in the tree he didn't have to feel his whole family. There weren't any emotions but mine.

Whoa… what? Mine? Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. that means he knows how I feel about him and how much I liked him. No more than that loved him and now he's going to tell me off. I know it. He just brought me here so the others don't have to hear it. It has to be this way. Nobody as perfect as him would love someone like me. A used, ugly and battered toy. I wasn't worth to be loved. They told me often enough. My emotions changed from insecurity to sadness. I hated myself for I let my heart fall in love. I put my face in my hands and cried. "Bella? What happened? What made you suddenly hate yourself so much?" he really was concerned about me. I could hear it in his voice, so I tried to answer him. "It's just … I have … and your gift … but this can't … ugh!" Babbling really brought my point across, don't you think? "Bella, calm down. It can't be that bad."I tried and after ten minutes I managed to regain control over my breathing. "Well, now care to elaborate? I really would like to know what brought on this sudden self-hate and sadness." Okay. Now or never. I have to tell him. What can be the worst he can do? Reject me? Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of. Let's get this over with.

"Okay. I'll tell you but you have to hear me out. That first time I saw you I felt something for you. I didn't know what this feeling was but it grew stronger every time you were near me. When I was at the cliffs I realized I had fallen for you. I didn't even know you for more than maybe 9 hours but I fall for you and I fall hard. Jasper, I love you." There it was. Out in the world ready to be heard or rejected. As I looked up to him, he was facing away from me without any emotion in his eyes. I knew I shouldn't have told him. In the end it was impossible. "Bella, I …" "No!" I cut him off immediately. I didn't want to hear his words. They would just hurt more than the mere knowledge.

"No. I know it's impossible for you to feel the same for me. No one as perfect as you would fall in love with someone as broken and used like me. I know I'm not worth …" I suddenly couldn't continue my little speech. First because my tears where choking me but mainly because Jasper was kissing me. It took me a second to really recognize this in my brain but then I started responding to him and most of all I started to hope again. Hope that he would prove me wrong. Hope that he could love me back. In a small part of my mind I even registered that his intimate touch didn't bother me at all. I used to even flinch away when someone accidently touched my shoulder but Jasper kissed me out of the blue and I didn't thought of my fears for a second. It just felt right to feel his lips on mine.

Soon again Jasper broke the kiss that left us both panting although he didn't need to breathe. There were still some silent tears streaming down my face as I kept my forehead leaning on his. I didn't dare to look, to break this moment that I would held close in my heart no matter what would happen next but I needed to know. "Jasper, please tell me there is hope." "There is, my love, there is. I did feel what you felt but always thought I projected my feelings on you and this weren't really your own. Bella, I love you." I leaned back to look him in the eyes and all I could find was love and although I could see that he told the truth there was still some doubt in me. "Why is there still doubt?" Of course he felt it. "I do believe you. It just seems so impossible for me. You are perfect and I'm just me. Plain, broken Bella. It's hard to believe that anyone is able to love me. I was told so often I wasn't worth it that I started to believe it."

"Bella you are the most beautiful person I ever met and you're worth everything and more than the world can offer. Despite everything that happened to you, you can trust us. I felt it. You managed to work through your hurt and pain to feel love again. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for. You are the perfect one not me. I'm a monster." I felt the blood rising to my cheeks and the blush deepens. With just a few little words he made my doubts vanish. But what did he mean he wasn't perfect? There couldn't be anything wrong with him. "Thank you, for your words but made you think that you're not perfect. I heard what you said although you didn't want me to as you just whispered. I can't see you as the monster you are seeing yourself as."

"I do have a past too, don't forget that. You won't think the same of me if you knew." I twitched once because his tone was suddenly so harsh but there was sadness in his eyes I couldn't stand. "Show me and I will show you it doesn't matter." Like two day before I didn't know where the courage came from but I slowly reached out to him and after he didn't prevent the touch I took it as his permission and built the bond.

The first thing I saw was that he was born and raised in Texas. He was the spitting image of his mother; just the boy version of her. His parents were loving people that deeply cared for him and his two little sisters but their live was hard and they hardly had enough to feed everyone. I saw how Jasper decided to join the army so there would be one mouth less to feed but he could provide money instead and support his parents. I saw their proud but worried expressions as he told them he would leave. I saw his live as he quickly switched through the ranks in the army. I saw how he met those three beautiful women that one night. I saw how he was changed and what he was forced to do just because of his gift. That Maria manipulated him; took advantage of him in his confused state after the change. I saw him drinking human blood and killing other newborns, as I now know they were called. I watched him hurt and in pain until he met Peter who pulled him out of his stupor and helped him escape his life of war. I saw him wander the world until that one fateful night he met Alice. I saw their friendship blossom and his life changing for the best as they joined the Cullen's. He was happier and slowly learned to let his past just be. The memories slowly faded out showing the recent events again. I saw how he tortured himself because he loved me but was afraid to lose me cause to his past. I saw his pain as he and Carlisle found me at the cliffs and the happy expression as I told I loved him.

To watch his past wasn't as exhausting as to watch Carlisle's because he was younger but I still needed to lean on him for support. It took a minute to compose myself. I could understand why he was afraid but I did not blame him for his past. I knew what Monsters were like and he was not even remotely close to being one. HE would hurt and violate me out of fun but Jasper didn't know better and he was definitely not enjoying it. I saw how often he sought isolation to grief. I knew he was still afraid of losing me. Looking at him I could clearly see it written on his face although his face was turned away and he had closed his eyes as if to brace him for the coming rejection he thought was inevitable but that would come.

I couldn't reject him. Parts of what I saw made me love him even more. No matter what all the others around him did he would always strike fast on his prey not able to bear the pain they felt for long and although it seemed to be common amongst the others he never forced himself on one of the other female vampires. He often even went to intervene. No, there was no way I could hate him for his past so it was entirely normal to me to lean in to him and give him a peek on the cheek to show him my thanks for his trust. Shocked by my actions he spun around finally facing me with a doubtfully expression so I concentrated on all the love and trust I felt for him so he could see that his past didn't matter to me. It wouldn't change a thing. He understood and cuddled me in a tight but still caring embrace. It felt like he never wanted to let go of me and so we stayed like this until I fell asleep in his arms, the sun setting down the last thing that consciously crossed my mind.

**So now they two finally know about their feelings.**

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**best wishes to all the readers!**


	8. I'm sorry

Waking up the next day after I had the most amazing and beautiful dream I felt great. I would love to just lay here forever and cherish the moment. The only thing bothering me though was the fact that my pillow wouldn't stop moving. I opened my eyes and was met by the sight of a smiling face but more important it was Jaspers. That meant that yesterday events weren't just a dream of me, that I really told him my feelings for him and that he loved me back. Back there in the tree with him I felt so safe and secure that I didn't even thought about my nightmares and there hasn't been one. This day just got better and better. I wondered how I could deserve all this as I recognized that I started to cry again what made me laugh. I hope it's not going to be a habit of me to cry all the time. I wanted to press the stop button and stay here forever but my stomach thought he needed to apply his own opinion and growled. I laughed again and Jasper joined me this time. He helped me up and waited for me to change quickly into fresh clothes. I changed and I didn't mind that he would see me in just some boxers and a tee and more than that I didn't mind that he would see my scars. He had his own fair share of scars and I knew he would look past them and see just me. He waited for me to put on the sweats and the jumper before he took my hand and led me down to the kitchen.

Entering the kitchen I saw everyone else already sitting around the table. Esme was the only exception because she was frying some eggs on the stove. I went over to her and hugged her around the waist what she did as well. After that I went over to Carlisle and did the same except that I sat down in his lap and stayed there until Esme brought my breakfast over. I felt safe in his arms like I did when my Dad was holding me when I was little but now that I sat down in the chair beside him and started to eat he again analyzed me from head to toe. I knew what he was looking for or better to say the lack of. Just now he felt how light-weighed I was and yesterday I didn't just show them my scars I also exposed what little bit was left of me. He of course was analyzing how much underweighted I really was. "I know Carlisle but I'm working on it." I said and pointed to the second helping Esme was giving me right now. "How much?" He was worried about me that I could see in his eyes so I went to answer him. I could even almost tell him my accurate weight. Once last year I coughed a cold and went to get checked out in one of the shelters and right now I was nearly the same as back then. "Approximately 98 pounds but I think it's may be less." He was shocked and so were the others. In the end I was just 5'8 tall, of course it was far too little.

We didn't discuss the issue any further. I just continued to eat a lot of what Esme made for me but every time there was sadness in the eyes of my new family. After breakfast was over and Esme all but snapped the dishes out of my hands, Jasper took my hand and started to show me around the house. It was huge inside and out. All in all it consisted of three stories. On the main floor there was the kitchen, the dining room and the living room with the big glass front. It was open, bright and just felt homey. Most of the walls were done in creamy colors which looked perfect with the red and brown decorations Esme added around the area. It was the first time for me to really take it all in and to really see what was around me. After that he took me to the second floor where all the bedrooms where located and of course the guest room I was currently using. First he showed me Emmet and Rosalie's room. It was done in purple colors and first it appeared to be cold but not repellant. All the little details scattered around the room made it seem almost playful. It fitted for both of their personalities as far as I can tell.

The next one was Edward and Alice's room. It was far more colorful as the one before. They used some intense versions of green and orange. It was loopy and just screamed Alice but the big shelving stocked with music gave it a calming effect. Anyway there was music stuff everywhere, whether it is the CD-collection and all the records or the guitars in one of the corners, so there was definitely an Edward living here. It has to be his hobby because I couldn't imagine Alice playing music. The next room was the one of Esme and Carlisle with dark brown furniture and red accents. It radiated comfort and warmth that reminded me of both of them. The door across the floor was open so I was able to see Carlisle sitting at his desk and going through some patient files as I assumed. His study was the same as their bedroom; dark brown furniture and red accents. The shelves were filled with medical journals and books. The desk he was sitting at wasn't really that big but looked comfortable.

He smiled at us as we passed. The last room I yet had to see was Jaspers. I really was curious as to how his room would look like. Would it show his personality like the others or would it be less revealing? After he opened the door I stopped dead in my tracks. Two of the walls where covered in shelves filled with books, the other one were a glass front like the one in the living room. Against the one wall left leaned a big black, comfy sofa. The shelves too were black and the walls where painted in a color that pretty much matched the one of blood but the room didn't look dark or somber. It did match Jaspers personality; it was a room for someone who often sought solitude with his thoughts. I walked along the racks and found that most of his books where history related; understandable after he was part of one of the biggest historical events. I walked back to him and intertwined my fingers with him. "It's matching." He smiled at me and let me to the third floor which as it turned out was the most amazing roof garden you could imagine. I sank into an armchair and savored the view. Jasper sat down at the feet of the chair and we stayed there until my stomach needed to get all the attention back and grumbled. We didn't speak the whole time; we just relished in the presence of each other.

We went back down for my dinner. Everyone else was there too and I listened to their playful banter while I ate my pasta. It felt good to just sit here and be part of their life, to hear what they did the whole day and all the funny stories Emmet told about them. After I was finished with my food I hugged them all once and said good night. I went to the bathroom, finished my routine and changed in my night clothes. Jasper was already waiting for me as I came back to my room and as he saw me he patted the spot next to him on the bed motioning for me to sit down. I did and waited for him to start whatever he wanted to talk about. "Bella, love, I need to hunt tomorrow and the others are too going out so your alone with Esme. You okay with that?" Oh, that was all? "Yeah I'm okay with that. Don't worry." He smiled at me and as I lay down he too went to lay with me so I cuddled up next to him and fall asleep.

The next day Jasper went on his hunting trip shortly after I woke up. Edward and Emmet would join him whereas Alice and Rose went shopping. Carlisle too already went to work so me and Esme where left alone. I went to take a shower and put some fresh clothes on. After I was finished with my routine I went down to maybe help Esme with whatever she was doing but she was nowhere in sight. Just as I was about to call her name I spotted her working in the garden. It must have been raining in the night, the grass was still wet but Esme didn't seem to mind. I decided to help myself to a cup of tea I could take with me to sit down with Esme in her garden. Maybe later on she would let me help her a bit. After my tea was finished I grabbed my cup and slowly and carefully went in the garden. Just across the deck and two little steps down than you made, I reminded myself. But of course it came like it has to be; I slipped what sent me and the cup flying. The hot tea poured down my arm while I used the other one to catch my fall. As my arm made contact with the ground I heard the treacherous sound of a breaking bone. Great. One arm burned and the other one broken. Esme alarmed by the sound of the splintering cup rushed to me. She as well as me heard the crack of my bone and started examining my arm. I winced as she found the spot where the arm would be broken. "I'm sorry dear but this needs to be X-rayed. I fear there's no way ditching going to the hospital this time." I knew, I just hated hospitals.

Not twenty minutes later we where there; Forks hospital. We went in but Esme consciously led me past the emergency room and went for the elevator. We stopped again on the third floor where she led me down a long white hallway. She slowed down a bit and went into an office without even thinking about knocking. As I went in after her and saw Carlisle sitting behind the desk I knew the reason why she knew that she didn't need to knock. Esme went to him to explain what happened while I was mesmerized by all the photos that covered his walls. There was one of him and Esme that looked like a wedding picture. It was beautiful because you could see how happy they were. Another one showed Rosalie and Emmet where a laughing Emmet held a pouting Rosalie bridal style. The one I found of Alice and Edward was made in their room back at the house. Alice stood in a pile of clothing whereas Edward watched her act with a bemused expression. Searching further I found a picture I didn't even knew existed. It was one of me and Jasper taken when I was sleeping. I was cuddled up to him whereas he had his arm around me. He too had closed his eyes and it looked like we both were sleeping.

I was so captured with the sight in front of me that I didn't even registered Carlisle's hand on my shoulder at first. But when I did I turned to him and followed him as he motioned for me to come do the X-rays. After they were done he went to tend to my burned arm. Thanks to his cold hand it didn't even hurt that much as he applied some lotion and bandaged me up. Just as he finished up the X-rays came back but as he looked at the picture I saw his eyes widen with shock. "Carlisle? What's up, is there a problem with her arm?" I knew what he saw and didn't need to ask like Esme. Every time a bone broke and healed there would be a mark on the bone left behind. "No, it's not a complicated break. The arm will heal just fine. It's just. Referring to this X–ray the arm was at least 20 times broken before." There were tears in Esme's eyes she wouldn't be able to shed and Carlisle too held sadness in his face. Neither one of us said anymore as Carlisle put my arm in a cast. For me it was the first time. THEY would never let me go to a hospital to get my wounds treated. After he finished we said goodbye and went back home. Alice and Rose too were back from their shopping trip and they proudly presented me nearly forty bags that would held clothes for me. There even were one or two labeled 'Victoria Secret' and I really didn't want to know what kind of nothing they held.

The rest of the day uneventfully went by. I ate my dinner and went to get to bed with the one difference that Jasper wasn't with me that night. I tried to repeatedly tell myself that the nightmares wouldn't come but of course they came and it even was the worst. I dreamed about ma 17th birthday and I knew what that would mean for me the following day. Every time I had this dream I woke up emotionally drained and the smallest bug would be able to scare me shitless. I usually spent these days hiding myself from the world. But suddenly the dream changed. I wasn't any longer in my room back in Phoenix. I was standing face to face with Alice in the living room fighting about whether I would wear whatever she bought from 'Victoria Secrets' or not. Waking up the next morning I didn't feel as bad as usual. The reason therefore could be that I didn't spent the whole night dreaming about that horrible day or that Jasper was back from his hunting trip and lying down next to me. I saw in his eyes that he worried about me and there was sadness as well as he now thought about what could made my nightmares so vivid but right now I wasn't able to really care. It still hurt me to see him like that but I felt weak and I felt my fears coming back so I silently stood up and went to change into warm clothes. I didn't dare to look up as I went straight for the stairs leading to the third floor but as I reached the stairs I was stopped by a hand on my wrist. Of course Jasper would try to stop me. "Bella you need to eat something." I mumbled a silent "Not today. I'm sorry." and left him alone at the foot of the stairs. I slumped down in the armchair and lifelessly stared at the woods. I wasn't really paying attention to my surroundings and I didn't really mind right now. The others stayed downstairs and let me be what I was thankful for. Esme was the only one trying to get through to me as she brought me some food and talked to me but I kept ignoring her so she too went back down to the others. The sun was setting down and I noticed that I became more tired every minute so I took the tray with the food and brought it down in the kitchen where Esme took it from me without words. The whole way down to the kitchen and back to my room I kept staring ahead so I wouldn't need to lock eyes with someone. After I was done with my routine and changed I went back to my room where Jasper was already waiting for me. I lay down and closed my eyes. With a mumbled "I'm sorry" and silent tears streaming down my face I fall asleep this night in Jaspers arms.

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	9. family

The next morning I woke up feeling good. It was as if the last night and day never happened. I felt content just lying there with Jasper by my site. Well, I was hungry after I didn't touch the food Esme brought me yesterday, so I went to get up anyway. I rose, stretched, kissed a dumbfounded Jasper and grabbed some clothes before I vanished in the bathroom. Coming back after I finished my routine I grabbed Jaspers hand and led him to the kitchen, all the way smiling. Reaching the kitchen I sat jasper down at the table and went for the fridge to get what Esme made yesterday. I found out she made me some salad and different little snacks. I took the food and brought it over to the table and after I sat down next to Jasper I started eating like nothing ever happened. The others soon followed and sat down with us. I felt their stares on me so I looked up to see what was going on and was met by shocked and puzzled expressions.

"Guys? You okay?" I asked because they didn't stop to stare at me like that. Jasper was the first to find his composure. "Yes, we are Bella. We just wonder what happened to you. Yesterday you've been so depressed. You wouldn't even think about eating and now it's like yesterday never existed at all. We're confused. What happened?" he was worried and I would have been too if I were in his spot. I knew I needed to explain what happened and I wanted to so he would understand me but knowing that forced me to remember my nightmare and the day after what diminished my hunger to nonexistent. I shove the plates aside and turned to face them. "Well, I think you all overheard me having a nightmare?" The sad looks in their eyes told me they did. Of course they did. They're vampires after all. They probably would have heard me five miles into the forest. "It's just they scare me and especially this one. It's like I can't think straight and everything scares me to death so I used to hide away for a day. I'm sorry I worried you."

Esme rounded the table to kneel down in front of me. She grabbed my hands and waited for me to look at her so I did. "Oh, Bella. You don't need to be sorry. We worry because we love you. Maybe one day we manage that this dream doesn't has this power over you anymore." She would be crying if she could but it felt so good to hear those words from her. "Thanks Mom." I consciously used the term. It felt right to think of her as a mother and I was happy to have a mother again after all these years spent alone. After the shock wore off she embraced me in a tight hug. She kept me there until my stomach growled. With a happy face she let go of me and shoved my food back in front of me before she went to sit down next to Carlisle. I finished my breakfast and we all went to sit down in the living room to talk for a while. Soon the others would need to go back to school and only Jasper would stay home with me. After Carlisle went to work and Esme went grocery shopping we all settled down on the big sofa in front of the TV and opted to watch some movies. I really missed a lot because I never had the money to go to the cinema. After what felt like the twentieth film I fall asleep on Jaspers shoulder.

The rest of the week passed off the same. If we weren't watching movies with the others or playing video games with Emmet, Jasper would show me all his favorite places in the woods where we would stay the whole day and just talk. We often talked about our pasts which seemed to help both of us a lot. We both were insecure about the possibility of someone loving us despite our past and the talks helped to ease our fears. Esme always had a basket full of food ready to take with us and Carlisle always had some band-aid or a plaster ready when coming back to patiently treat all my little injuries. The others too always found a way to keep me occupied when coming back from school. It now was Friday and we again sat in the living room and watched some movies. The whole week went by without me having a nightmare but tomorrow Jasper wanted to go hunt again.

I woke up early the next day and five minutes later Jasper kissed me goodbye and vanished with Edward in the woods. I stayed in bed and dozed off a bit until a scream woke me from my half asleep state. "She's dead! You just killed her! How could you, Rose?" Emmet was shouting the house down but what did he mean with Rose killed her? Wasn't she supposed to be in New York with Alice? Just as I wanted to go take a look a completely distraught Emmet came bursting into my room. "Bella, you need to help me." He crossed the room on his knees and with the cutest begging expression on his face. "Well … with what?"

"Please. Because of this stupid line yesterday Rose doesn't let me have a go with her when she's coming back from New York. That wouldn't be that bad if she wouldn't have destroyed my playstation and forbidden to buy a new one. Please talk to her, Bella. Please." Okay to sum it all up. He was teasing me and jasper about being away all day and makes assumptions and now Rose punished him for this. I knew he didn't mean to hurt or embarrass me but I thought it was right what Rose did and that I told him. "Emmet I would, I really would but after all those lines you quarried out yesterday it's only fair that you suffer too." He first was speechless and stared at me for at least two minutes before he put on his best innocent face and pout you could imagine. I simply couldn't resist that face so I gave in. Kind of. "Okay, I'm going to help you but I won't talk with Rose. She was absolute right to do what she did. I will give you a hint. She forbids you to buy a new playstation, right? If I'm correct and I knew I am she didn't say something about another paddle. Just buy a Wii or something like that."

Hell, even I knew there different kind of paddles out there. I barely finished talking as I found myself in one of Emmet's bear hugs. "Emmet … air." He immediately dropped me back on the bed and I tried to recover my breath. "Sorry. That really isn't such a bad idea. I really wanted to try that Wii thin for a while. Well, I think I'm going right now. You now what? You're coming too." I was happy and raced off to the bathroom after I grabbed fresh clothes. It would be the first time since I was seven. I wouldn't need to steal because I was hungry. After me finishing in the bathroom I raced down the stairs which as it turned out wasn't such a bright idea. After all I owned the title of 'Miss Uncoordinated' for years now so I should know better than to do that. Of course I tripped over my own feed and if Carlisle wouldn't have stood at the end of the stairs to catch me I would have met my old friend Mr. Floor. "Not so fast, honey. Emmet won't run away." I immediately felt the heat rising to my cheeks what made Carlisle laugh. He kept me in his arms and only as we entered the kitchen he sat me down n one of the stairs. I was practically bouncing in the seat as I waited for whatever Esme made this morning. I brought the dishes over to the sink but before I had the chance to run off again Esme and Carlisle gave me a small envelope. Taking a look inside I found out it contained money and not exactly few. That must at least be three thousand dollar. They said it was for me in case I found something and Emmet wasn't with me. I could find a lot with so much money. A few minutes later we were on the way to Seattle. It would take us about an hour to get there but if I would have known what was about to happen I would have stayed home.

**Okay if anyone knows the reason it took me so long to get this freaking chapter out in the open please tell me because i have no bloody clue. (it's not even really long.)  
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**of course i would love to hear what you think so please review**

**and last but not least warm greetings to y'all**


	10. the mall

We were just through the doors as two strong and cold arms embraced me from behind. I instantly knew it was Jasper so I didn't freak out. "Surprised? We came back a minute after you went out. We thought we should check on you and make sure Emmet doesn't bug you too much."

"Hey, I heard that loverboy. Besides, stop the billing and cooing, Bella and I have a date with some paddles. What you two do I don't care a copper but we are going." He fetched me from Jasper and threw me over his shoulder so I wouldn't run back to him. I was laughing the whole way Emmet carried me until we reached the right aisle. We stayed there for nearly three hours and Emmet still wasn't finished with his tests but I got bored. "Emmet, I'm running out of steam. I'm going off alone and explore the Mall for a while, okay? You'll find me anyway if you need me." He just nodded and never left his gaze the game he was now testing on this X-Box thing. I left him there and wandered off alone. I knew Edward must be somewhere in the CD section and Jasper probably gone in one of the bookstores. There were a lot stores for clothing and what else you could think of. There even was one selling only candles and candles alone. On the second floor I found a lot of different restaurants and bars. I was so lost in contemplation I didn't see the person standing in front of me and directly ran into her.

I was about to apologize as I looked him in the face. I knew this person. His name was Michael and I met him once. He called himself a pharmacist. Only people who bought from him knew this and I did buy from him. He was it who gave me all the pills but I didn't pay them. I thought I wouldn't be living anymore when the three days were over and the paying was due so I bilked him. Of he recognized my face right away. He reacted faster than me and grabbed my arm to drag me into a small café. It was hopelessly overcrowded so no one paid us attention as he dragged through the room to the toilets. He made sure no one was in there before I heard the lock click shut. "You know what I want." It wasn't a question it was an order and I obeyed. I fished for the money and even doubled the bill. I thought it would ease his anger but he still raised his hand and slapped me square on the face. I stayed there for a minute longer and calmed down and wash my face. I inspected my cheek. Today you would not see anything but tomorrow it would be swollen I knew it. I knew I needed to tell the others so I went back to go find Emmet, Edward and Jasper.

On my way one of the stores caught my attention. It was a store for art supplies. When I was little Charlie would always portray something for me and teach me to do so as well. It was something I could maintain after he died even in the worst times I found a way to create something little. I was pretty good as much as I can say and it helped to keep me sane. Charlie even had a way to decorate my windows. In daylight it would be translucent and at night it would have a glowing effect.

I went into the shop and even forgot I met Michael five minutes ago. I walked through the aisles and looked at everything. There was this urge in me to paint again. I lost my last pencil two month before I met the Cullens and for me that was a long time to go without the chance to paint. I took some pads with different kind of papers and pencils in all possible colors imaginable. I paid and left the store with a smile on my face. I caught sight of a clock and assessed that it was after one so I went back to find the boys. The timing was perfect as they were just paying for their stuff which would be delivered later to the car. Luckily we took Emmet's Jeep. Jasper was the first one to notice me and came to embrace me in a hug again and kiss me. It felt good to be back together although it was just a day but before we could kiss again my stomach grumbled and that in return made the boys laugh. "Hungry?" As an answer my stomach renewed his grumbling request so we took of finding me a restaurant. While I ate my ravioli Emmet made it his job to watch and study me all the time whereas Edward and Jasper talked about some baseball game.

I finished and we paid. We still had half an hour to get back to the car before everything the boys bought would be delivered to the car so we still had some time to kill as I saw that next to the restaurant was an ice cream parlor. The last time I ate some ice cream was seven years ago and that was stolen ice cream. I went straight to the counter but before I could place my order I was swept of my feet. "What does our little girl want?" Emmet, who had me now sitting on his hip like a little girl, asked me in a voice you usually would use for small children. First I didn't know what I should do next and Jasper and Edward were fighting hard to keep from laughing out loud. Okay, two can play that game. I knew what I had to do to show them not to mess with me. I used the cutest child-like voice I could muster to answer him. "I like the one with strawberry flavor the most. Can I have one of that? Please, Uncle Emmet?" I waited until he was about to order when I spoke again. "But I will only eat one if you will to. All of you." All three of them stopped whatever they were doing and stared at me like I was crazy. "Bella, you can't be serious." Was all Edward got out. I pretended to start to cry like a four year old and of course they didn't want draw all the attention on us so they all bought some ice cream. On the way back to the car I gloated with victory until I saw that Edward's ice was missing. I threw him an evil glare whereupon he claimed to have slugged it down in one.

I didn't buy it for a second so I kept my gaze locked on the floor behind him to catch him in the act when he would drop the ice cream of. The problem was with my face glued to the floor I never realized that the boys weren't in front of me anymore. I looked around but couldn't find them. Perfect, just prefect. The first time I get out and I get lost. I thought it was best to wait at the car. They probably were already there all packed up and waiting for with smug faces but as I arrived I only saw some employees from the store waiting for someone to sign the papers. I did so and sat down on one of the boxes after I bid them goodbye.

It couldn't take them so long to figure out I would be waiting at the car but after I waited for another thirty minutes I started to grow impatient. Suddenly there was a hand on my shoulder. "There you are." The sentence as simple as it was kept repeating itself in my head over and over again. I knew it was Carlisle standing behind me but without knowing it he used the same sentence HE did on my seventeenth birthday before the nightmare begun. I was shivering as I fought hard to hold the memories back and I got them suppressed again after a while so I was now only sobbing. I realized that someone was holding and no matter who it was I just couldn't handle that with my memories near the surface. All I wanted now was to be free so I started to fight the hands of and after a few seconds I got free and pushed whoever it was away. During that process I slipped fell hard on the ground hitting my head on the pavement. The last thing I saw before I lost consciousness was Carlisle face and the worried and hurt expression in his eyes for shoving away like that.

**Okay It took me an hour now to get this down what made it even more unexplainable to me why the 9. Chapter took so long. X~}**

**Hoping for reviews and of course warm greetings to y'all!**


	11. I'm sorry, Daddy

The next thing I was aware of was a painful headache. I rolled over and buried my face in the pillows but before I could go back to sleep I felt a cold hand on my back. "Bella?" of course Jasper was here. "You okay?"

"No"

"What is it? Does your head hurt?"

"Yes and I need to apologize to Carlisle." To be honest the hurt and worry in Carlisle eyes was bugging me more than the stupid headache I was having. "I'll go get ready and then I want to go talk to him. He isn't mad, is he?" I had to admit that I was a bit afraid he would be. I really liked him even if I wasn't wholeheartedly ready to call him Dad yet; he was slowly growing to become a father to me.

"He wouldn't be even if you gave him reason to. He's worried and afraid he scared you." And he wasn't the only one as I could clearly hear the worry in Jaspers voice too. I kissed Jasper and went for the bathroom but before I even had the chance to get up Jasper grabbed me by my upper arm and held me captive. As I looked into his face I recognized that he indeed was mad and I wondered what I must have done to make him that.

But soon I realized that he wasn't really looking at me but rather at my cheek. I didn't know what there could be to make him mad either so I lifted my hand to touch my cheek but as I did it I felt a stinging pain. Suddenly it all came rushing back to me. The day in the mall and when I ran into someone. … Michael. The toilets in the café. The money I gave him and when he slapped me anyway.

I really forget everything after I spotted the art supply store. Of course today my face would be swollen and a bruise would be forming. With the strength he hit me it was possible that there was a neatly formed handprint gracing my face. I felt stupid for forgetting something this important.

Jasper was still holding my arm and looking at my face but behind the anger I saw his pain that someone managed to hurt me again and the question he had to ask. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you I forgot. It was stupid I know but I met Michael yesterday and after I gave him the money I saw that shop for art supply and I got lost in my own thought and then there was this thing with Carlisle. But I needed to give him the money because I didn't pay for the pills so I bilked him and I forgot but then I met him an now … and now…"

I was running out of air after my little speech. I knew I was rambling and that it didn't really made sense what I was talking about but I could still see the wheels turning in Jaspers head. He was slowly connecting the dots and I saw the anger from before turning into pure hate. I know who that hate was intended for.

I tried to unlock his hand but he wouldn't let go of me. I became more and more afraid. I wasn't afraid of Jasper. He wouldn't hurt me although I don't think that he was still realizing that he was holding me. I was afraid that he would run off and do something stupid. I knew if he did he would hate himself for it despite the fact that Michael hurt me before. No matter what I wasn't strong enough to hold him back so I called for help.

"Emmet!" he came dashing through the door alarmed by my yell. He quickly assessed the situation and yanked Jaspers hand from my arm. "Holy hell! What the fuck happened to your face?" and then the wheels began to turn in his head but he didn't knew what I just told Jasper so he was directing his anger at the wrong address – at Jasper. But before he could go all berserk on him I intervened.

"Emmet. It wasn't Jasper. It happened yesterday at the mall. I just forgot to tell you." Now Emmet too had this murderous gleam in his eyes which made me even more afraid than before. I didn't want to lose them both.

"You're afraid?" The anger in Jasper's face suddenly changed to a pained one. I didn't understand why. But why would he ask whether I was afraid or not. He could feel it anyway.

"Of course I am. I know that when I tell you everything that happened yesterday that you most likely will run off to kill whoever and afterwards hates yourself despite everything he did to me and that's something I'm afraid of." Now the pain in his eyes changed into relief and I discerned why my fear pained him. He thought I was afraid of him not for him.

"Okay" – Emmet said. "We won't go, but you young lady are to tell us everything." And I told them. I told them why I knew Michael and I told them why he had reasons to do what he did and why I forgot to tell them afterwards. I still felt stupid for forgetting but now that they knew I felt better. I first didn't notice the others standing at the door and silently listening.

Carlisle too was there but he was further away than anybody else and didn't look at me. I took that as signal that I hurt him to much although Jasper told me a few minutes ago that he wasn't mad. Jasper of course felt my mood swing and immediately chased everyone except Carlisle out of the room.

He remained his place at the now closed door. That saddened me even more and I curled myself into a ball and started to cry. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you mad. I'm sorry Daddy." I didn't use that term on purpose. It was an accident and I wasn't all that ready to call him that like I was to call Esme Mum but right now I had the feeling I lost my Dad again with the exception that I could apologize to him in person this time. It also mirrored my hopes to one day be able to wholeheartly call him that, but just now all I needed was my Daddy who would take me in his arms and protect me.

Carlisle didn't disappoint me there. Alarmed by sudden crying he came rushing to the bed and I immediately nestled up to him. We remained in this position for a long time because neither of us wanted to let go. As I looked up the next time I saw that he had tears in his eyes he would never shed.

"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to push you away. It was just the situation and my memories. And then you wouldn't look at me earlier and stood that far away. I thought I hurt you too much." I started to cry again.

"Shh… . Don't worry sweet pea. You didn't hurt me. It pained me to see you like that but I understood your reaction. Earlier when I wouldn't come near you I was afraid to scare you again."

After that we still remained on the bed snuggled up against each other. We even forgot that I needed to eat and the others too didn't come a second time to remind us. We also talked a bit about minor things. It was great and after a while I fell asleep again for the first time in my new fathers' arms.

**Again it took me some time, except this time I know why. I found myself a training space as a paramedic and school just started three weeks ago. So it likely will take me some time now to update each chapter. I'll try to keep the waiting short though.**

**Hoping for reviews and of course warm greetings to y'all!**

**P.S.: I know that my verbalism isn't the best so if anyone has something he would express differently so it would sound better please tell me and I will see if it fits in my style of writing. Also if you find failures in my timeline or in references to other things or anything like that**

**P.P.S.: the same goes for any ideas you have. I got a major plan for that story but maybe someone of you got a good idea.**


	12. say that again

**Okay heres the next one hope you like it.**

The next two months were perfect. I had no major breakdowns or anything like that. I still often wondered that this live with the Cullen's come so naturally to me. There were moments when I even forgot I had a past apart from them.

Edward would always play something for me. He even wrote me an own song. He called it a lullaby and burned it for me on CD. Every time Jasper had to go hunting now over night I played it on repeat the whole time and often it helped me keep the not so bad dreams away. But still there would be night when I couldn't keep the pictures at bay.

But after those nights I spoke to my family. I didn't really tell them what I was dreaming about especially when it came to the dream about my seventeenth birthday but they understood and helped me as good as they could. I now even could be with them after those nights and no longer needed to hide away. On those days I would just sit down in the living room snuggled up on Jasper who kept telling me funny stories about all the places they had been and when he wasn't around I would sit down with Edward at the piano or when Dad was home sit with him in his study and just watched him working or read a book.

I remember one night I needed him especially. It was two weeks ago. I again had that dream about my birthday and Jasper was hunting that night. I knew Edward and Emmet where with him and that the girls were on a shopping trip again and would be back tomorrow. I woke in the middle of the night and searched for Carlisle. It now became a habit for me to search for someone to be eith instead of hiding away.

I found him in his study and he was so engrossed in his book that he didn't even hear me coming in. He first looked up as I stood directly next to him. By the look on his face he immediately recognized that I had a bad dream. All he did was open his arm for me and I practically threw myself at him and let the tears flow silently. He would whisper sweet nothings into my ear and stroke my hair until I calmed down again. I then saw the book on his desk. It was something medical related I would definitely not understand but I asked him to read it to me anyways and soon fall asleep again this time with a small smile on my face, whispering "Thanks, Daddy.".

During the last two month he showed me on so many occasions that he was truly a father to me. Always just with little gestures but after a little time I felt that I now accepted him completely and I tried to show him with those two little words. I think he slowly understood. The next day he had a day off and I went with him to the cemetery. I sat down in front of my father's grave and searched for the right words. Meanwhile Carlisle waited a few meters away. I knew he would still hear what I was saying but I didn't care I wanted him to hear.

"Dad? It's a long time since that day you died and I think you know what happened since then. But you don't need to worry anymore I found a family that took me in and they slowly become my family. I even found someone to love. I remember when you told me that it's important to find the one and I found him, Dad. His name is Jasper. He is a good person. He cares for me and loves me. I know you would have liked him. " I cried the whole time I talked to him.

"Dad, that's not all I wanted to tell you. I miss you Dad. I wish you could be here to hold me again and just tell me that I am your little princess. But it's not as bad as before Dad. There's someone you need to meet." I waved for Carlisle to come nearer. He seemed a little bit startled but came anyway. After he sat down next to me I hugged him around the waist.

"Dad, that's Carlisle. He's the one I meant. He makes me feel safe again and loved. He became a father to me. I know when you're watching us you would be happy. He's more than worth taking that place. I will always love you but I am just as happy to have him now. To have a Dad now again. well that was all i wanted to tell you, Dad. I'm happy again. I hope you too. Goodbye, Dad."

I felt Carlisle's stare on me from the first word on and looking at him now I saw the tears in his eyes. After that day we became closer and I could see the pride in his eyes every time I called him Dad. We didn't tell the others what exactly happened when we went to the cemetery. That was something between me and Carlisle and the others understood.

The relationship with Esme too grew stronger every day. I made sure to often call her Mum just to see her smile a brilliant smile. I was just so happy. Sometimes it felt I could burst with happiness.

The bonds with the others too grew stronger over that time. Emmet would often monkey around after school and make me laugh. He slowly became a big brother for me. Now that I knew him that well I didn't even understand myself sometimes for being afraid of him. I knew he could be threatening and dangerous even murderous but he would only be if someone threatened his family.

Most of the time he was a big teddy bear. Sometimes when we were watching a movie I would snuggle up to him. He then would lay his arm around me and smile. It surprised me that he could have that air of calmness around him on those times. It was uncommon for him and if you didn't know him you wouldn't know he could be that way.

Alice on the other hand really couldn't be that way. She was just hyper. She would come home from a shopping trip with clothes for me and then would play Bella-Barbie. Although I wasn't too thrilled to do it I let her be. It was fun and it felt good to spend time with her. She became my best friend. We talked about the stupidest things.

I learned that she couldn't remember about her human past, but before could offer her to look she said she didn't want me too. She remembered how wasted I was after Carlisle and Jasper. Despite that I planned to surprise her anyway. I don't really know how to but I was sure Edward and the others would help me. She was younger and I was in better shape than then thanks to Esme so she probably worried for nothing.

With Rose it was different. My feelings towards her were like for a sister but two days after the incident at the mall she would sheer off a bit. I once saw her staring at me with a sad look in her eyes. When she caught me staring she quickly smiled at me and went off. I thought about asking her but I had a feeling it had to do with my wish to become one of them.

The day after I fall asleep in Carlisle's arms that night, the family sat me down in the living room and told me all about the Volturies. The boys met two of them that day and then I got lost and to not lead them to me they ran home and called Carlisle and Esme along the way. They told me that they could get in trouble when they would find out I was with them as human and knew about what they are. My first instinct was to go and get them out of danger but then I thought about it and there still was the possibility to become a vampire myself.

We often talked about it and as I knew that Jasper was 20 when he was changed I decided to wait two years to be as old as he was. They all accepted my call, well except for Rose but just like I had the feeling that her behavior had something to do with my decision I knew that she would come and talk to me when she was ready.

I now sat on the couch, reminiscing about those two month while I tried to draw Jasper who sat in the easy chair at the window, whereby the emphasis was on tried. I was pretty good at drawing and Jasper often said I was too good. Every time I drew all the details which meant all his scars too.

This time I was too thinking hard about something else. I wanted to thank my new family and thought about a way to do so. I even told Esme and Carlisle and I didn't even finished the sentence when they told me I didn't need to do that, that they were just happy that I was safe and happy. I loved them even more for that but still had the feeling I had to do something.

I was so deep in thought that I didn't heard Carlisle coming up behind me. "That a great picture." Startled by his voice I jumped five feet and threw my sketches around the room. Jasper really had to fight not to laugh out loud. "God, Dad do that again and I will have a heart attack and then you have to change me right on the spot. "

"Sorry, sweet pea. I thought you heard me coming. You really have a talent for drawing." And in that moment I clicked. "Say that again."

"I'm Sorry?"

"Not that. The second part."

"You have a talent for drawing?" I had something I could use to thank them. Edward was musically talented. Esme was compassionate like no one and Emmet was the teddy bear of the family. Carlisle was a doctor despite his 'handicap', Alice was a crazy shopping-pixie and rose was just fierceness in all the good ways. And I would use my talent too

As my sight fell on the big windows in the living room I had the perfect idea and my face lit up like a floodlight in the Yankees stadium. I grabbed one of the sheets that had fallen down and wrote down what I would need to fulfill my task.

Carlisle was already gone again, leaving me to my thoughts and Jasper who watched me the whole time always checking my emotions now came over and sat down next to me but before he could read anything on my list I hide the sheet behind my back. He was looking at me with a questioning look but I just threw him a mischievous smile and went to find my things. The sooner I start the sooner I was finished.

"BELLA!" I heard Alice scream before I even reached the stairs what made me double over with laughter. Of course when I planned to have this project done her visions would go all black and she wouldn't see anything.

But no matter her pleads and despite all her pouting and begging I kept my mouth shut and continued to gather all the stuff I would need. That I was able to do so even earned me some awed faces from the others but no one of them could get me to tell them what my preparations where for.

**please review and as always warm greetings to y'all !**


	13. letters

Jasper POV:

Three weeks. It's been three whole weeks that Bella locked herself up in the living room and would only come out to eat or sleep. It wasn't that we needed the room that much but we all were just plain curious what she was doing inside. She even made me clad the windows.

The first day she wasn't even in there. She asked me to drive her into town and then she vanished after she told me she would be back in two hours. She indeed was back in time but she made a secret out of whatever she had purchased. Back at home she brought everything in the living room and made us all promise to never spy on her surprise. She especially eyed Emmet during the vowing.

And now three weeks later she called us all into the kitchen to tell she was finished and we all should go hunting so she would have time to clean and then we would have our surprise. That's why I was sitting here in one of the trees and waited for the others to finish hunting. I too used the opportunity to hunt but was just too nervous to concentrate much longer.

Edward and Carlisle were the first to finish after me. Thirty minutes later the rest of my family was also finished. It didn't take us more than five minutes to be back at the house. Even before we arrived I saw that the front of the living room was still clad. The only thing that was new was a little box sitting in the grass and a letter on top of it.

I took the letter and opened it to read it to the others.

**Hey,**

**I know it's been some time since I started that project but you will have to wait a little longer. In that little box are more letters, one for each of you. Please read them. They explain why I had to do this.**

**Love you, Bella**

"What? Letters? And therefore she locked herself up in the living room for three weeks?" asked Emmet. "God, Emmet, of course that's not what she needed those three weeks for. Let's read the letters and find out what she meant." Of course it was Rose to correct him and smack him of course. I opened the box and took the first letter. It had Carlisle's name on it so I gave it to him and he started to read it out loud so we could all hear what Bella wrote.

_**Hi Dad,**_

_**It didn't come naturally to me to be able to call you that. Charlie was a wonderful father and it hurt like hell to lose him and with everything that happened after that day I never thought I would be so happy or so lucky again as I was when he was still living. But then all of a sudden there you are. You didn't ask me to love you or to call you Dad. You just gave me your love and made me feel safe and cared for again. You gave me a place to stay, to live, to be happy and therefore I am more than thankful. You became a father to me and gave me something back I thought I had lost forever. Thank you**_

_**I love you, Dad.**_

You wouldn't need my gift to see what Carlisle was feeling. He would be crying if he could. Every one of us would. You could see how proud and happy he was that Bella accepted him. The next letter was addressed to Esme, so I gave it to her.

_**Hi Mum,**_

_**With you it has been easier to accept you as my mother. Back then I didn't know but on the day my father died I lost my mother too. What she did and let HIM do to me I will never forget. She left me to fend for myself and it was just luck I didn't die too in those eleven years. I forgot a long time ago how it feels to have a mother and then I met you. During the first three days I stayed with you had shown me more love and caring then I had in those years before and helped to heal what was left of me. You and Dad gave me so much I will be forever grateful.**_

_**I love you, Mum.**_

Esme was now full out sobbing. She sat down next to Carlisle and let herself be held by him. I waited a few minutes so she could calm down a bit before the next letter would be read. It now was Emmet's turn.

_**Emmet,**_

_**First reaction to you: scared shitless. After the accident when I saw you all for the first time I was afraid of you. I had learned that the stronger someone looked the more he could hurt you and I didn't know you back then. But today I know you wouldn't ever hurt me. You would annoy me to hell and play pranks on me, yes, but that's what big brothers are for, right? You became a brother for me; someone who I could turn to no matter what I need; May it be to be a big teddy bear to make me laugh or a shoulder to just lean on and therefore I am grateful.**_

_**I love you, Teddy.**_

_**P.S.: there is something else for you in the box. I saw it when I was in town three weeks ago and immediately thought of you. His name is Roger, take care of him.**_

Emmet too was now fighting for composure. I looked in the box and saw a little brown bear with a red ribbon around his neck. Emmet took his gift and carefully held it in his big hands. "Hi, Roger, nice to meet you." Every one of us was smiling at the picture. After Emmet it was Rosalie's turn to read her letter.

_**Hey Rosie,**_

_**I hope I can still call you that. I am quite sure as to why you sheer of lately but I will wait until you're ready to talk to me. Right now I want to tell you that you became a big sister to me. You defend me when Emmet is annoying me too much and I can come and talk with you no matter how trivial it is you're still listening. You and Emmet made my family complete and I want to thank you for that.**_

_**I love you, Rose.**_

Rose sat down next to Esme and sobbed. Her feelings were mixed. Underlying all the emotional chaos was guilt. She knew she had hurt Bella with her coldness and that she would need to talk to her soon. It again took some minutes before everyone was calm enough to listen to the rest of the letters. The next one was Edwards.

_**Edward,**_

_**I don't know where to start. You became my best friend in such a short amount of time. I can come to you when I don't feel good and you would just sit down with me and play a song for me on your piano. Or you help me when Alice wants to drag me to one of her shopping trips. Thank you for being you.**_

_**I love you, Edward.**_

It didn't take him long to calm down again so I gave Alice her letter.

_**Hey Alice,**_

_**You too became my best friend, although you can go over the top with all the shopping and playing Bella-Barbie but that's you and I love you for who you are. You infected me with all your happy mojo or what else you want to call it and taught me to laugh again. Maybe someday I can give you something as important as you have given me. Thank you Alice.**_

_**I love you, crazy pixie.**_

Just like Esme and Rosalie before Alice was silently sobbing. It's been so much so far and I still had to read the last letter. I didn't know what to expect and slowly took the envelope out of the box.

_**Dear Jasper,**_

_**With this letter I wanted to tell you what you mean to me but I don't know where to start. You gave me your love and trust and helped me become a living person again. Before I met you I was dead inside and wanted to end my live for real but despite everything that happened you stayed with me and fixed my heart.**_

_**I can't say 'I love you'. Just three little words don't seem enough for someone whose smile turns every storm in my world into a mild summer breeze; whose touch can make me forget I had a past apart from you.**_

_**They don't seem like enough for someone who gave me his trust and promised me to always love me and stay at my side to always celebrate with me when everything goes my way and to hold my hand when my world seems to fall apart.**_

_**I can't say 'I love you'. Just three little words can never express the depths of my feelings for you. I know you can feel what's in my heart. Being with you and being able to love and be held by you means more than the world to me and it always will.**_

I didn't know what to expect but what she wrote topped everything I could have thought of. I stood there looking awed at the letter in my hands. I knew that her mother and that scumbag of a stepdad hurt her behind imagination and she refused to show affection for a long time. She even refused to feel. But with that letter she told me she loved me, that she was my partner, my soul. I was so transfixed with the letter and my thoughts that I didn't even heard her coming. I first noticed her when she laid her hand on mine.

I couldn't resist I needed to kiss her so I grabbed her and did just that. I poured all my love for her in that kiss and feeling her emotions too amplified my own. I didn't care that I was sending those feelings to the others as well. This moment was ours and ours alone. It was hard to let her go but she still needed to breathe and although I didn't need to I was heaving as well as she was. She looked up to me and smiled. "Close your eyes. It's time for your surprise." And with those words she led us back into the house.

**Now it doesn't take that much longer until the surprise will be revealed. Anyone a idea what it could be?**

**Hoping for reviews and of course warm greetings to y'all.**


	14. the surprise

Bella POV:

Three weeks. It's been three whole weeks that I locked myself up in the living room. The first day I wasn't even in there. I went into town to get the rest of the supplies I needed to pull off my surprise. I even got Jasper to cover up all the windows. That first week I spent on writing letters for everyone. I wanted to explain to them why I felt I needed to do this and what they gave to me.

During the second week I did the major work on the big glass front. I used the trick my Dad once showed me when I was little to paint the windows. In daylight the picture would become translucent but I was pretty sure that my vampire family would be able to see every detail despite that. The most beautiful to look at it was at night though. It would have this special glowing effect.

The last day on that second week I spent just looking at it. In the center of the front I placed a family portrait of us all. With all those smiling faces it could easily be printed in one of those 'my-perfect-lovely-home'-magazines. The next pictures I painted were copies from the ones in Carlisle's office at the hospital. The last ones were individual portraits of everyone in the family.

There was Edward sitting at his piano, totally lost to his music, smiling and Alice loaded with shopping bags standing in front of a store window of another shoe label, of course still hyper with energy. For her I had something special planned too.

On the other side I painted Emmet in front of the bog television, consumed in by his video game. At his side on the couch sat a little teddy bear. Rose's portrait showed her working on her car in the garage and although her clothes were dirty and her hair disheveled she looked hot as hell.

Carlisle's picture showed him walking down the hallways of the hospital. He looked content and happy and Esme was working in her garden. She as well as Carlisle looked happy with the sun shining down on her.

Jaspers was the one I sketched before I had the idea to this all; the one where he sat in the chair in the living room, totally at peace. For my own picture it was a bit more complicated, to drag a mirror in here unnoticed but I managed and I drew myself in front of a canvas.

Each picture for itself was good but all of them together were perfect.

The last week though I spent fighting with myself. I was thinking about if I was ready to reveal my last secret to my family. All those things that happened at my seventeenth birthday. I knew that I could trust them and that I would need to get it off my chest someday but I wasn't so sure if I was strong enough just now.

I was so lost contemplating this that I didn't even recognize the time floating by and now here I was in the living room getting rid of the last remnants of my chaos. I told the others yesterday that I was finished. Not long and they will be back from hunting and find the letters I put out for them.

I sat down at the kitchen window to wait. From here I would be able to hear them but they wouldn't be able to see me.

Not long after I sat down I heard the footsteps on the dry leaves in the backyard. I kept completely still while I listened to them reading the letters out loud. Once or twice I needed to hold back to not go out there and comfort my family.

After they were finished I went out to them. They were so lost in thought that they didn't even hear me coming. Just as I touched Jasper did he notice me standing next to him. The kiss he gave me was indescribable. I felt all his love poured in this simple action. After we broke apart again he just kept staring at me like he saw the sun for the first time. "Close your eyes. It's time for your surprise."

I took his hand and motioned for the others to follow me too, of course with their eyes closed as well. As we were all in the living room I let go of his hand and went for Emmet. There was something left I would need his help for.

"Emmet, keep your eyes closed and come with me. I need your help before I can show you your surprise." He let me lead him back out in the garden in front of the glass front. "Okay, now Emmet get me on your shoulders and keep your eyes shut."

"Bella, you don't need to tell me this so much. I understood the first time."

"Emmet, we both know I need to tell you this again. You're like a child sometimes. You just have no patience. And now get me on your shoulders please." He did as he was asked and lifted me up. I guided him across the lawn always ripping off the fabric Jasper used to cover the window. When we were finished I gave him a light peck on the cheek, thanked him and hopped from his back.

I lead him back to the others. "Okay just a minute more and you can look." I grabbed the camera I found in Alice room a week before, when she was shopping. I hope she's not mad at me for taking it without asking. I placed it on the mantelpiece after I turned it on recording.

I posed next to my work and prepared for their reaction. It was dawn, so it was the perfect time for this. The picture would be a mixture between translucent and glowing.

"Okay, now you can open your eyes."

It still took them some seconds to open them. I think they were just as nervous as me. But as they did I was just happy I had the camera, otherwise no one would believe me that seven vampires could simultaneously go into shock. It was a funny picture as they stood there all open mouthed. At the same time it was proof that I did a good job with the pictures.

After one more minute they came to me, hugging me and praising my pictures. When Alice came to me I let her hug me but before she could be replaced by someone else I grabbed her hand and built the bond that would show me her past. It was the only way I would be able to do so without her suspecting something because her visions went blind again.

_I saw her as a little baby as she lay in the arms of her mother and her big sister at their side. Her father sat down in the chair next to them proudly watching his girls sitting on the couch. Alice grew older as happy as a child could be. There were a lot of days when her father would take them all to the zoo or when they would go play in the park. Alice was such a sweet little girl, always full of energy and questions her parents would patiently answer._

_It all changed after she turned fourteen. It was the time when she started to have visions. Her parents were afraid Alice was going mentally ill and thought the best would be to send her to an asylum. They didn't know how bad the conditions in that asylum were because they weren't allowed to visit. The last message they got was that Alice was missing and presumed dead._

_I watched all the time as Alice suffered in this hell hole and I saw the two vampires that casted an eye on her. The older one of them was friendly to everyone. It seemed that his ability was to take pain away. He had the same eye color the Cullen's had. _

_The other one instead had red eyes. He was sadistic and rejoiced in the pain of the patients. He noticed that the other one had eyes for Alice and went after her. They fought and the older one was able to kill him but not before he could bite Alice._

_The old vampire stayed with Alice to take her pain but before she could open her eyes he went off and threw himself in a pit of fire out of guilt to not have been able to save her._

_After that I watched Alice wander off alone until she found Jasper and became friends with him. Together they found the Cullen's and Alice met Edward. It was a happy second life she gained._

I waited for it to end with the last minutes as I felt the bond slowly weaken. Although it was a lot to look at I wasn't nearly as out of breath like I was the last time with Carlisle and Jasper. I sadly smiled at Alice and she threw me a mild glare.

We all sat down on the sofas and I told Alice what I saw. She was happy that her parents had been kind people and she was sad that they had to suffer like that. I described the old vampire for her but neither she nor one of the others remembered someone matching my description.

After that we remained in our positions. One of them would always cast a glance at the picture and every time they would look at it the same awed expression would cross their faces. Jasper on the other hand was solely watching me. He felt that there was something else I wanted to tell them. I just needed a few more minutes to prepare myself. I drew in a deep breath and prepared myself a last time.

"Guys. That picture and the letters weren't the only things I wanted to give to you. You all know about my past but there is one thing I didn't tell you. It's about my seventeenth birthday. I always told you that this one dream that haunts me so much is about that day and that it was the day I decided to go but I never told you what happened; what made me decide to die. In this two month I spent with you, you gave me so much. You gave me love, trust, safety and a family. You made me feel strong again and I want to tell you now. "

**So **_**cathy29jes**_** got it right and therefore she will get the next chapter beforehand to read.**

**Hope everyone else still "enjoys" my story.**

**Hoping for reviews and of course warm greetings to y'all.**


	15. happy 17th birthday

**Okay as you can all imagine there will be mentions of rape and murder in this chapter. There won't be any graphic descriptions for I believe that we all have pretty imaginable brains.**

**But if you can't read those parts despite the non-graphic-description-scheme, please jump over those parts. I marked the part where you will have to start then (~~~~~~~~).**

"It's this day again; my birthday. Maybe I'll get lucky and he will just keep me locked up in my room the whole day. It's even late in the afternoon already.

It's not like I could do so much up here. All I have is a bed and a closet for the few things I own. I'm just happy I was able to steal this one's kids IPod, so I at least could listen to some music while sitting down at my window. Although it's raining outside, the sight of the weather is a much better view than to keep looking at those blood stained walls in here.

While I was listening to my music, I didn't hear the door opening. I only noticed his presence after he forcefully grabbed my shoulder and ripped my ear buds out. "There you are. We searched for you." as if he was searching for me. He knew for sure that I would be here. But what did he mean 'We…'?

A movement behind him captured my attention and I saw a crowd of men standing in the hallway. I knew that he was sadistic but I never believed HIM to be that cruel. As I saw how the first man handed him some money I knew it was too late. "You're old enough. You can start earning me some sweet cash. Consider it your birthday present." It was the last thing he said to me before he went out and let me alone with the man.

At the beginning I tried to fight but after a while I just couldn't do it anymore. HE let them do whatever they wanted as long as they paid the price. It lasted over 5 hours and after the last person went I kept laying down in the corner, all bloody and broken. Even blinking hurt like hell let alone breathing.

While I laid here I felt myself kind of slipping away. It felt like my mind just pressed pause and let myself be consumed by hate and rage. It was like I was watching someone else from the outside. That girl covered in blood and hurt behind the imaginable wasn't me anymore. It wasn't me who picked herself up from the floor and staggered down the hallways, leaving bloody footsteps on the floor and greasing on the walls.

I don't remember getting the knife from the kitchen and getting up the stairs. I kept totally quiet as I opened HIS door and swayed towards his bed. Renee was away; on a vacation with her friends, who didn't even know I existed.

I stood beside him and saw his eyes flutter open. After he recognized it was me and he fathomed the fact that he made a huge mistake when he forgot to lock my door I saw fear rising in his eyes and it made me feel good. It gave me a feeling of power that I enjoyed. These feelings helped keeping an insane smile on my face and giving me strength to use the knife I brought.

I don't know how often I stabbed him before I realized that he wasn't moving anymore and right that moment I didn't care. I staggered back to my room, packed my few belongings and went. I didn't look back until I reached the outer skirts on the other side of town and my mind became clear again.

Then I first really realized what I had done. I killed HIM. I really had used a knife and killed someone. I felt disgusting. I felt broken beyond believable. Whatever he did to me I always knew I hadn't done anything to earn such treatment but now I was just as bad as HE was. I lay down in the alley I walked by and kept crying until the sun rose again.

I tried to calm down again as my eyes caught the sight of a paper lying beside me. It was the headline that made me read it. It said "People do not cry because they are weak, people cry because they've remained strong for too long". It was an ad of a support group.

It felt really ironic finding the paper after what I just went trough but the saying was right. I've been strong enough for too long. I couldn't go on any longer. I felt weak, more than I can put into words and with what I did to him I wasn't better than him. I would never have the chance to run my own life. All I wanted to do is to visit my father and then be with him forever.

It took me two month at all to be able to walk again like a normal person would and after that I begged for everything I now own to get here.

The rest you know."

I whispered the whole time and no one spoke after I finished telling them my story. Today I knew that many of the things I thought that day were wrong. I'm not as bad as HIM and I'll never be. I'm strong beyond believe and that I just told my family this part of my past proves it.

I looked around in the room and everyone had unshed tears in their eyes. All the girls were full out sobbing and the guys were in no way inferior. All the couples were holding each other in a tight embrace. It took everyone an hour to at least be calmed down to silent sobs.

During all the time Jasper kept his arms around me and after I finished he even tightened his embrace. It didn't hurt but did show me his need to protect me. I know he must be suffering from all the pain in the room from the others and as I looked him into the eyes and stared at him in shock.

Despite the sadness and pain paired with some murderous rage of who I knew was meant for I saw in his eyes, were tears. Not the normal unshed vampire ones but real tears. They were flowing down his cheeks in a faded red line.

I touched his cheeks to see whether I was hallucinating or not but as I felt the wetness Jasper too recognized what was going on and touched his own cheeks. The others stared incuriously at us after they gasped what was going on. Carlisle was the first one to come up with a theory as to why this was happening.

He thought that a vampire was indeed able to cry, for example did their eyes look watery whenever they were sad, but with his body fluids frozen it must take a really big emotional turmoil to make that happen. With Jaspers gift and all the emotions in the room on top of his own, plus the fact that it concerned his own mate just broke that boundary for him.

After a few more minutes everyone calmed down again and came to me and hugged me. It wasn't much but it showed me that they were there for me. The last one to come to me was Rosalie. I had a feeling that now was the moment that she wanted to talk and I shall be right.

I took her hand without a word and lead her up the stairs. As I looked back I saw that everyone except Jasper left. He couldn't leave me now so he followed us but waited outside the room to give us some privacy. After we sat down on the bed she took my hand and with a small, sad smile she nodded so I built the bond for the second time that day.

_She always has been beautiful and of course Rosalie knew and hoped to take advantage of it. She gathered the attention of the most popular single in town. Royce King. She didn't see how he would use her just to be the talk of people and how he would be after all the other woman as well but until that fateful night Rosalie was happy._

_I saw her walking back home from her friend's house. She met Royce who was out drinking with some of his friends._

_After they were finished with her I mentally laid down next to her and cried for her as she laid there dying in the streets._

_Luckily Carlisle found her and changed her._

_I saw how she got her revenge, how she mad at Edward for not being interested in her and how she finally found Emmet and her life turned for the best. _

After I was finished we both kept quiet for a few more minutes but I broke the silence first. "Rose. I'm so sorry for what happened to you. I…" but Rose interrupted me shortly after I started to talk.

Rose POV:

"Bella! That's not why I wanted you to know. In that letter you wrote that I was distancing myself from you. You were right but I did it for a reason. I envy you, Bella." I saw the doubt in her face so I kept explaining.

"That friend that I was coming from that day was named Vera. She wasn't especially rich or popular but every time I saw her she was happier then the last time. At least it felt so. That evening she was just coming home from the hospital after giving birth to her son Daniel and I helped her settle down.

I instantly fell in love with that little boy and from the moment I laid eyes on him I wanted to have children for myself. But after we are changed we are frozen in time and we lose the chance to have a child on our own. I always resented Carlisle for changing me but after I found Emmet it got easier.

But we will always look like we do today. We won't get the chance to sit somewhere on a front porch and hear the laughter of all our grandchildren.

With you deciding to become one of us you throw that chance away. You're still human you still have the chance…" I didn't know why but Bella suddenly broke down in sobs. Alarmed by her sudden crying Jasper came bursting through the door to take her in his arms.

I didn't have a clue as to what caused the sudden breakdown but I waited until she calmed down a bit and as she did I was able to distinguish the words he was mumbling as "I don't." she was repeating the same two words like it was a death sentence.

Bella than looked at me still with tears flowing down her face and I slowly began to comprehend what she meant with those words. "Not after HE …. I don't, Rosalie. I don't." and with that she break down into sobs again.

Jasper too gasped what we were talking about and resumed in holding her even tighter. I knew he wanted to protect her but he couldn't protect her from her past. All he could do was to hold her in his arms and promise her to be there for her over and over again.

**Hope everyone else still "enjoys" my story.**

**Hoping for reviews and of course warm greetings to y'all.**


	16. the final step

**I got it! The last chapter this year. ****A HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE!**** Until next year.**

**Hope everyone else still "enjoys" my story.**

**And of course hoping for reviews **

**Warm greetings to y'all.**

Bella POV:

The days after I talked to my family were … well …silent. It felt like the sadness was fighting to linger but it slowly got better but it really was gone the first day of Christmas holidays.

I woke up and just felt rested. I didn't bother to change into other clothes despite the fact that Alice would see it as an excuse to play Bella-Barbie with me. I just gave Jasper a good morning kiss and went down to the kitchen.

As I walked across the hall I saw that Alice and Edwards door was open. They were both sitting on the bed and Edward played on his guitar. I smiled at them as I crossed their room and ignored Alice just too hyper smile as she saw me "undressed".

When I walked down the stairs I could hear Rosalie working in the garage on the cars. I talked a lot with her the past few days and it helped both of us. It was easy to imagine Emmet sitting next to her, helping with whatever she would need help for.

I walked into the kitchen to find Carlisle sitting at the table, reading the newspaper. It was a seldom sight so I first went over to hug him. I even startled him a little. It must have been a pretty catching article he had been reading. Still giggling I turned to greet Esme who was just turning around with my breakfast in hands but before I could take it from her my sight was set on the view outside the windows.

I stood there kind of dumbfounded as I watched the white powder slowly falling down on the grass. It must have snowed the whole night because there already was a thin layer on the ground. I ran back to the living room and stopped in front of the glass front. I was giving Alice a run for her money as I was jumping up and down the whole time squealing like a mad woman.

The others of course came looking what made me act this way. I casted a short glance their way before I set of to the back door and sprinted out in the backyard and dived head first in a big heap of snow. I was acting like a little four year old that saw snow for the first time. I didn't care that I was barefoot and that it must be far below the freezing point.

I started to build a snowman when I felt a hand on my shoulder. As I turned around I saw Jasper standing behind me with a happy but worried smile. "Bella, come on. It's freezing. You'll catch a cold. Please get back in." I didn't want to go back in I just had so much fun but then I got an idea and started to play along.

"Okay." I made a sad face and pretended I was going back. Jasper hadn't noticed me still having some snow in my hand. He started to lead the way but I suddenly came to a halt. "Or…? I got a better idea." Of course he turned around and just as he was facing me with a confused look on his face I threw the snowball at him.

It hit him strait in the face.

After the first shock wore off he smiled mischievously at me. "Oh Bella, Bella, Bella. You really shouldn't have done this." And with those words he came at me and of course he caught me before I even got the chance to run away and started to tickle me. In the background I heard my family laugh with me.

"Mercy. Oh please have mercy. I won't do it again." With that he lifted me up bridal style and carried me back in the living room where Esme had a hot chocolate and some blankets waiting for me. Now as I was back in the warm living room I felt how cold I was; specially my feet.

Emmet started a fire in the fireplace we all sat down in front of. Japer went and grabbed my breakfast from before for me so I wouldn't have to stand up again. I felt content to sit here with my family on the first day of winter holidays.

After that the mood in the house felt lighter and we spent a lot of time together. Edward teaches me to play some Christmas jingles on the piano and after three days I was able to play jingle bells without the notes. It wasn't perfect but I was proud to have mastered it to a recognizable tune in just three days. Alice of course spent her time with playing Bella-Barbie and dressing me up in Christmas outfits.

Esme showed me how to bake gingerbread and we tried to form them, so they would look like the family members or their favorite meal. She told me that she was baking them for the orphanage in town and I went with her as she brought them over. It felt great seeing all those smiling faces as we gave them the cookies.

After the night I fell asleep in Carlisle's arms I became interested in medicine so I sometimes spent time with him just to listen to him explaining what he was treating in the hospital just now or what he was reading in his journals. I didn't understood half of it but he always took the time to explain things to me.

Rose and I worked together decorating the house. Well ordering Emmet and Jasper around, who were doing all the heavy work. Of course Rose could have done it all but she said that way it's more fun. I agreed with here so I did the same with Jasper.

Christmas itself was just as wonderful as the rest of the holidays. Usually they wouldn't give each other presents except for special occasions. My first Christmas with them was one of these occasions but we still played it pretty down.

They mostly gave me something art related as they knew it was my thing. I got new and really expensive paint from Alice and Edward. Emmet bought me books about photography and stuff like that. Rose gave me tickets for an art event in New York. Although it was her present for me she bought eight tickets so we could go as a family.

Jasper gave me a bracelet. It was one of those where you could add the different pendants. He already had some added. One was the Cullen charm, another was a little paintbrush. He also had one pendant made for each family member. For Rosalie there was a little wrench and for Emmet a small teddy bear. For Edward he got a guitar and for Alice a shopping bag of course. Esme got a flower pendant and Carlisle a stethoscope. For himself there was a little book added too. It still held space and I planned on filling it with special memories.

From Carlisle and Esme I got an envelope which held an ID and a credit card in the name of Isabella Cullen.

My presents for them were copies of the pictures on the living room window; each of the pairs got four canvases. The first was family portrait, second the pair-one and he last two were the single pictures. This way they could take the pictures with them without having to carry a glass wall.

The next day Carlisle had to work again so he took his ones with him to the hospital to hang them up there. He and Esme were the only ones that got each their own so Carlisle could take his with him to the hospital and Esme could have her own in their room upstairs.

Even after nearly a whole year I spent with my new family I loved to just take the time and recall those days.

It's been a wonderful year. Never ones had I a breakdown like the one in the garage of the mall again and even the dreams became less frequent. The love between me and Jasper grew deeper each day and we made great progress concerning the physical part of our relationship.

We were able to touch each other and satisfy our needs without me freaking out but I was still afraid to take the final step. Jasper of course felt my doubts and patiently waited for me to be ready.

During the last weeks I nevertheless felt the part of me that wanted to risk it and take the next step grow but each time I had the feeling that now was the moment there was this tiny little voice in my head telling me I would freak out or wouldn't be enough for him and things like that.

It all really confused me to hell and to add to the chaos in me my birthday was coming along within the next week. I really needed time alone what made me afraid Jasper may be able to understand this wrong. I was a complete mess.

On Saturday morning Jasper surprised me by telling me he and the rest of the family would go on a big hunting trip for the next three days but they would always be a call away but when it was time to say goodbye was Rosalie staying behind.

We sat down in the living room after the others were gone. "Okay, what's going on with you? You're so still but Jasper told me once that you're a complete mess inside. Did something happen between the two of you?" I couldn't even tell her. Of course Jasper and I hadn't fought or something like that. The others would have heard it anyway but it was concerning us still.

"Yes and No. Rosalie I really don't know what to do. There's this part of me that really wants to be with him but every time I feel like I'm ready there's this voice in my head telling me different. And of course the universe hates me and it's this time of the year with my birthday and all coming up. I'm just confused."

Rosalie just sat there smiling at me. "So your birthday, hm?"

"Yeah, it's the 13. Of September."

"Oh, well that explains why you never told us and don't worry I won't spill."

I realized that apart from my birthday I just told her that from time to time I felt the need to jump her brother and felt heat rising to my cheeks. "Oh Bella, you don't need to be embarrassed. It's only natural that you want to have sex with the one you love. I know how you feel. I was in the same position when I met Emmet. I don't know the exact moment when I made the decision but I remember that it just felt right. But let me ask you something. Did Jasper ever go too far?"

"Never!"

"Do you trust Jasper?"

"Yes!"

"And do you love him?"

"More than myself!"

"So why listen to that stupid voice. You love him and he loves you and you want to be with him. You know he would do anything for you, so why not talk to him. Tell him how you feel and why. I know he's worried."

"I know you're right but I want it to be special. I want to feel like it's my first time and he's the only one there ever was and will be. I don't want to freak out in the middle of everything just because that scumbag of a stepfather had to be the way he was."

We stayed in silence for a while each of us in her own thoughts until Rosalie got a mischievous glint in her eyes and started to smile again.

"Oh Bella, I just got the best idea I had in years. Listen up."

So I listened and saw it all playing in front of my inner eye. It really was a great plan.


	17. getting ready

Bella POV:

It's been … weird and I can definitely say that Rose enjoyed all the preparations more than me. After she explained her plan to me she made an announcement in a spa outside of town and taking the fact that we were the only people there apart from the staff she booked the whole thing.

I got every possible treatment imaginable. The most ridiculous was the mud pack. We could have asked Emmet to get some mud from the backyard and put in the tub in my bathroom. The most hurtful on the other side was getting waxed all over. I still got a little ache in my nether regions.

After we were finally finished she dragged me to a shopping mall. I wished the ground would open and swallow me up when I saw the 'Victoria secret' sign coming up.

Rosalie forced me to try what felt like 50 pieces until we found a knee length black dress. For me it wasn't really see trough but Jasper had Vampire sight so it didn't matter.

It was a beautiful little dress with a convoluted pattern waved into the material. We paid and went to find a suitable hotel for our plan. We booked the whole floor 3 and after we got in the room Rose went to get all the other stuff we would need.

She let me there and told me to get comfortable. It wasn't what I was used from home; a completely different atmosphere but it still felt romantic and cozy.

Nearly an hour later Rose came back and we started to set up the candles and rose petals. She even thought of a bottle of wine for me and some blood for Jasper.

Near 10 we were finished and the others would be home in an hour or so, so Rose and I bid goodbye. She would sent Jasper o his journey to find me here. He would be here approximately around midnight so I sat down on the bed and tried to calm my rapid heart.

Jasper POV:

I hope she feels better. I don't know what was going on lately. All those mixed up feelings but I too felt that she wanted to be alone. I hope Rose had been able to help her.

We were five minutes away and all I could feel were happy feelings so I thought it all worked out. I got through the door and saw Rose sitting in the living room. She leisurely browsed through a fashion magazine.

I greeted her and went up to Bella's room to tell her hello but she wasn't there. As I went searching the rest of the house I felt Rose feeling slowly shifting. Before we arrived she was just happy but now there was this mischievousness in her.

I ran back down. The others were still in the living room, realizing Bella was missing. "Where is she, Rose?"

She never answered me just gave me an envelope and kept smiling. I took the letter and opened it. It was written I Bella's handwriting that much I could tell.

**Jasper,**

**Don't worry. I'm totally fine and waiting for you. **

**It's your task to find me. **

**Take the Mercedes and go to 'Josephs'.**

**Hurry up. I miss you.**

**Bella**

Okay. I don't know what this was meant to be but I asked Carlisle to borrow his Mercedes anyway. I was curious as hell.

The last thing I heard as I drove away was Edward starting to laugh. He must have heard something in Rosalie's thoughts. Sometimes I wish I had his ability.

I followed the street into town and found the mentioned Josephs shortly after I arrived. It turned out to be haberdasher. They were awaiting me outside the door with a glass of blood.

What the hell, Rose? I took the glass and took a sip recognizing the flavor of a … eagle? Again: What the hell, Rose?

I followed the man and the woman into the shop. In the back of the room were three suits beaded. The clerk told me to choose which one I would like to wear so I told him I wanted the simple black one.

After that he went to bring the other two back to wherever they came from. I could look because the woman from before was now soliciting my attention. She led me in a room that looked like a hair salon.

I wasn't going to ask anymore. I just let her do and get my hair washed and cut a little bit. When she was finished the old men came back with my suit.

I put it on and just as I was finished the men and the woman came back and handed me another letter.

**Well Jasper,**

**Now that you all pimped up go to 'Margie' Garden' to get your next hint.**

**Bella.**

I thanked the men and the woman and went out to the car. It wasn't that far to 'Margie's Garden'. And again there was someone already awaiting me. The old woman told me her name was Margie and she was supposed to give me the flowers she held in her hands.

It was a beautiful spray made of roses and lilies. She too held a room key from a small hotel that was just at the outer skirts of town.

I again thanked her and proceeded my journey.

As I reached the hotel all the lights in the rooms were out. The only lights were in the foyer and in a room on the third floor.

I took the flowers and went to find Bella. I entered the lobby and found it completely empty. I didn't even wonder anymore. Rose and Bella really had put some thought into it. I took the elevator to the third floor and found the room with the number 342. I opened the door and saw that the hallway was hemmed with candles.

I followed the path until I reached a closed door. With a slight push it opened and revealed the most enchanting sight imaginable. The whole floor was layered out with rose petals and everywhere you looked stood a lit candle and in the middle of it all stood my Bella.

She wore a knee length black see-through dress and was fidgeting with the hem.

"Oh my… I … just …. WOW." Well that was just brilliant.

"I could say the same about you." At least one of us hadn't kept his brain at home. She smiled as she came over to me and kissed me.

"Bella, why all of this? I don't understand." She took my hand and let me over to the bed and sat down. She looked so vulnerable that moment.

"Jasper, I love you. Very much, I know you feel it and in the last year we get so far concerning the physical part of our relationship but I was still afraid to take the final step and you always waited. But lately I felt that need to take that step and every time I felt ready there was this voice in me telling me different.

I was so confused and afraid. I'm sure you felt it. There still is a part of me that is afraid but I really want this too.

Rose helped me plan all this the last days so t would be something special and I know it will be. Jasper I trust you and I love you.

Will you make love to me?"

Bella POV:

I saw the recognition in his eyes as he could make the connection as to what my feelings meant those last weeks and now I saw the love as I asked to be mine completely.

He slowly leaning forward until he reached my ear, gave me a light kiss and whispered:

"Yes."

**Now Rose plan played out just perfectly and Bella gets her special night.**

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**And of curse warm greetings to y'all !**


	18. embarrassment

"Hmmm….."

I stretched and still could feel the bliss from last night. I looked beside me and saw Jasper slowly waking up himself.

Well I know that he couldn't sleep like I do, but his emotion-induced-rest or what you want to call it was the closest he could get to. It still was funny to see him all grumpy and crinkly in the morning.

_I still remember the first time it happened. It was the first time the others left us alone to go hunt together as well, so there weren't anyone feelings but mine to affect him. I nearly had a heart attack because they told me that vampires couldn't sleep and now he indeed was. It took me five minutes to wake him up. _

_After five more minutes to calm me down he explained to me that he was taken under by my feelings. His mind even created something like a dream. We kept it a secret between the two of us because we planned on using this knowledge and Jaspers gift to prank the others._

I kissed him now in his half asleep state of mind and tried to stand up because my bladder was screaming for attention but he held me back.

"Five more minutes, please."

"Hihihi….. Silly boy. You know when I'm awake once I can't go back to sleep. Besides my bladder is killing me right now and if you don't want to lie in a wet bed you better let me get up."

He grunted but let me get up anyway. After I finished my human moment I went back but Jasper was gone. I went out to the kitchen area and found him only wearing his boxers on the phone ordering breakfast for me.

It seemed like he was talking for a while so I sat down on the couch and relished the sight of the town in the sunrise.

It still amazed me that everything with the Cullens came so fast and naturally. I finally found my place in the world and got the love of my life, or well existence for lack of a better word.

I was so lost in my thoughts that I even didn't recognized Jasper sitting down next to me until he fondly caressed my hair.

"What you're thinking about, sweetheart?"

"Last year, last night – everything. It all happened so fast, that at first I was afraid but now I feel like I finally found my place in the world and I found you and I want to thank you for last night."

"Honey, there's nothing to tha…."

"Yes, there is. Last night you showed me that love and especially physical love can be wonderful – that I'm worth wonderful. And therefore thank you. I love you."

"My pleasure." He was using this dark husky voice of his and right that moment there was a great chance of a repentance of last night, hadn't there be a loud knock on the door.

Jasper went and got my breakfast. He watched me eating and after a while I could practically feel the amusement rolling off of him.

"What got you so amused all of a sudden?"

"Well… I was just thinking weather you're already afraid or not."

"Huh?... What should I be afraid of? And why would me being afraid amuse you like this?"

"You do know that when we get back home Rose, Alice and probably even Esme are going to interrogate you about last night and for the fact that I would find that amusing I know how easily embarrassed you are, love."

"Oh … that. That's okay?"

"What? No blood rushing to your cheeks? No embarrassment? None at all?"

"Well for a fact I find kind of comfort in the fact that Emmet, Edward and probably even Dad will do the same to you, love."

I saw the realization in his eyes and couldn't stop the laughter anymore. "Who's now the embarrassed one?"

"Oh, you making fun of me?" I saw him slowly coming towards me with that wicked smile that told me he was going to tickle me like there was no morning. I begged for forgiveness the moment he started but he wouldn't stop until we were both heavily panting although he hadn't to.

The rest of our stay was used for heavy make out sessions, only paused for me to have a human moment. Near six o'clock we had to leave so we packed our few belongings and made our way home.

The moment we walked through the door Jasper was ripped from my side. I saw that Emmet had his muscular arms around his neck and Edward was dragging his feet behind. Carlisle followed them into the woods silently chuckling and shaking his head.

Jasper POV:

"Emmet, let go. I swear to god I'm gonna rip your head off if you don't let me go."

It must have worked because he let go immediately. "Come on, party-pooper. Can't we have a bit fun?"

"Boys. No fighting. You know what we here for." Of course Carlisle choose exactly that moment, when I was about to pounce on Emmet, to appear.

"Oh no Dad, not you too." Although we all always felt like Esme and Carlisle were our parents, we never really called them that. We only started calling them Mum and Dad after Bella came into our life and it still had the same effect on them today. They would always feel pride and love.

"Well for a fact son, I'm only here to keep you three civilized. I don't really want to hear all the gory details." No matter how long after Bella was changed, she will always be his baby girl.

"Thanks Dad. So, Emmet, Edward, you two really want to hear all the details of me having sex with your best friend and baby sister? It happened. Now let's just hunt, okay?"

"Point taken." They said in sync. I knew I could get them that way. I just hope my Bella won't be tortured too much by the girls.

Bella POV:

I was still stifling my giggles when I finally recognized that I was now alone with Mum, Alice and Rose. A second later I felt myself being dragged to the couch.

Alice of course couldn't just wait and even before I sat down she began to ask. "We want to know everything. Rose already filled us in on what you had planned and what happened so far but what happened after she went home. Did you wait long? What did he say? What were you wearing? Wh…"

"Alice not so fast. One question at a time." I knew I had to answer them anyway.

"Okay. What did you wear? Rose didn't tell us." Instead of telling I got the dress out of my bag.

"That's a really nice dress and judging by the blush on your cheeks Jasper liked it too? What did he say?"

"MUM!" I thought that she at last would keep out of this and just listen.

"What? I want to know as well." So much to my hopes. Okay let's get this over with.

"Okay. He wasn't really saying anything. His exact words were: 'Oh my… I … just …. WOW.'. So I assume he did like it a lot. And apart from that he wasn't that bad looking too. Oh and Rose he choose the smoking I chose for him."

"And did he look the way you wanted him to?"

"What are you two talking about?" Of course Alice again. But this time I'm to blame. Why for god sake did I need to say that? At least Rose was now answering for me.

"Well, dearest sister. You already know that we sent Jasper on a little field trip, right? The first step for him was to get a suit. In the shop we got three different kinds for him to choose from. I took two simple ones because I thought that that would be more Jasper, but Bella got the third one.

A full black three-piece smoking with a tie. God you should have seen her. She was grinning like the cat that ate the canary. I asked her why she took it and before she could think about what she said, she told me that and I'm quoting:

'No matter which one he will choose, he's going to look gorgeous, but with this one he'll look like a younger James Bond.'

When she realized what she just told, she turned five shades of red. I must have been laughing for nearly ten minutes straight.

So did he look the way you wanted him to?"

"Yes." God I must be as red as a tomato already, which was only adding fuel to their laughter. And this would go on like this for the next five hours? Help?

5 hours and a lot of embarrassing questions later ;-p

I didn't even hear the door open at first but as I did I was immediately up from the couch and in Jaspers arms.

"Don't you dare leave me alone with them again. Don't laugh." I knew he was, because I felt his form slightly shaking.

"That bad?"

"Worse."

"Oh Bella, come on. Don't be so melodramatic."I stuck my tongue out to them for that comment.

"At least I know that they did the same to you, while you were hunting."

"No, they didn't to tell the truth."

"What? Why not?"

"I talked my way out of it, love."

"And making me the only one to suffer. What did you say any way to get off the hook? Why didn't they pester you like the girls did me? DAD!"

"Don't drag me in there, sweat pea. I didn't want to hear it in the first place. I was only there to keep them civilized."

God I can't believe this. Those five hours really must have taken a toll on me, to even be mad at my father for not asking my boyfriend about all the details of our sex life. I really need some sleep.

"I think I really need some sleep." I didn't even finish the sentence and Jasper got me up bridal style to bring me upstairs. I even fell asleep in his arms before he reached the top of the stairs.

**Okay. Again it took me awhile to finish this chapter and I'm not even that proud of it.**

**I hope you enjoy it anyway.**

**Hope for reviews!**

**And of curse warm greetings to y'all !**


	19. pranked

I really must have needed that sleep because I slept for 12 hours straight. I expected to find Jasper beside me, I wanted to tell him about my weird dream but when I looked around the room he was nowhere in sight. I didn't think much of it so I got up and searched the house for him.

Instead of finding him I found the rest of my family scattered around the house sleeping. So Jasper must have used my extreme sleepiness to get them drugged.

I really need a camera to drag with me for moments like this.

It was a funny sight to see my never ever sleeping family all snuggled up.

Mum and Dad were situated on one of the big couches. Dad was silently snoring and holding Mum protectively in his arms. Jasper even draped a blanket over them.

The others were in the backyard. Emmet was sitting against a tall pine tree with Rose in his lap who leaned against him.

Edward was lying in the middle of the grass on arm under his head, shimmering like thousand diamonds. The other arm was protectively wound around Alice tiny body who laid her head down on his chest. Her skin too was reflecting the sun like she had diamonds on her body and believe it or not she was snoring slightly.

And again, I really need my own damn camera for moments like this.

The moment I thought this I saw the lightning of one and found Jasper standing in front of the couch taking a picture of our parents. I wanted to go and greet him but he signed me stay quiet and went out to take pictures of the others as long as they were still sleeping.

I silently sat down on the couch and waited for him to come back. When he was finished with taking the pictures he positioned the camera on the mantelpiece like I did one year ago and started filming. From that angle he had clear view of our parents and me.

He came over to me, kissed me and pointed to our still sleeping parents, before whispering:

"You want to have the honors of waking them? I don't think I can keep them under for that much longer now that you're awake." I just nodded, afraid to wake them when speaking out loud.

So I tiptoed over to them and got behind the couch. I leaned over and slightly poked Dad on the cheek. "Dad, get up. You're snoring."

He only grumbled something I couldn't understand. Oh, he didn't want it the easy way. No problem I can do better.

"**DAAAAAAD!" **

I told you I can do better and screaming right in his ear might just have helped a little.

Of course now he was startled, so he suddenly rolled over, taking Mum with him, only to land between the couch and the table, Mum – now awake – on top of him.

Awoken by my screaming the others too came in from the backyard. "Morning." I simply stated and went back over to Jasper who was still laughing like a maniac. I waited for the others to sit down and for Jasper to calm down, what took him nearly five whole minutes.

I grasped that he would stop laughing that soon so I took the time to explain to the others how we discovered that I could drug Jasper with my feelings when no one else was around and that he used this last night to prank them all.

Jasper then got the camera and showed them the pictures and the video he just made but what I wanted to know was whether they were dreaming like Jasper ones said he was.

"So, Jasper told me his mind even made something up that we think was a dream. What did you dream of? "

"Bears. I don't really remember anything but there definitely were bears." Of course there were bears. It was Emmet after all. "What's with you Rose?"

"I've been remodeling some cars."

Everyone was now looking expectantly at Edward and Alice for their dreams. "I can't really remember much, but there was music all around me. I need to try to play it later."

"I've gone of shopping somewhere. I don't really remember what for but I think I found it."

So far it was nothing unusual for them. Turn for the parents. Mum went first: "Well, I for a fact can remember everything. I dreamed of our wedding day. What's with you honey?"

"I had the same dream." I felt like I was invading a private moment the way they looked at each other and remembered their wedding.

"Hmmm… honey like your bed hair."

"Good for me to have a day off then, isn't it?"

"God Mum, Dad TMI! Keep it G-rated." I fled the moment and went off in the kitchen to get myself a bowl of cereals for breakfast. I still heard them giggling.

After I finished Jasper and I went off to have the day for us and went to our place at the cliffs. Although it held a sad memory for both of us it was one of our favorite places.

"As we were speaking of dreams. What have you been dreaming? You were so happy at the beginning, but then it changed and you even shed some tears while sleeping. You got me worried."

"Oh I wanted to tell you anyway. I can't really remember like the others. I was telling you something in my dream and I was really happy and I thought you would be too, but then you and Rose started arguing about it and I was crying all the time.

You were really mad at me. I don't know what I could have told you to make you that mad. The only thing I understood clearly was when you said: 'I never asked to be. I won't let that happen.'

It made me really sad to hear you say it and at the same I felt disgusted. I seriously don't know what could have brought this one on. I'm confused. Do you have a clue?"

I could see it on his face before he told me. He was as clueless as me.

We shrugged it off for the moment and just enjoyed our stay out.

**Okay I'm just in the mood of writing today, so here it is No. 19**

**Hope you enjoy and get the hint **

**Hoping for reviews.**

**And of course warm greetings to y'all!**


	20. sick

Oh God my head is killing me. I really should have listened to Jasper yesterday.

He wanted to go hunting and I wanted to bid him goodbye. Nothing bad with that you think? Well he didn't want to wake me up so he got up in the morning without waking me. Well for that matter I woke up anyway.

I followed him downstairs and outside. I chose just the right moment and got there before they set off in the woods. The only problem it was barely above the freezing point and raining like the world was going under.

Of course Jasper immediately came back to sent me in, but I refused to go until we properly said goodbye. It didn't bother me that moment that I hadn't any shoes on. Luckily Dad was at the hospital or I would have possibly been dragged back inside.

And of course my behavior was going to backfire now. I grabbed my blanked and trudged downstairs. Luck had to be on my side, because the first one to meet this morning was Dad, sitting on the couch and enjoying his day off.

I went over and sat down on the couch next to him. "Daddy … (cough) … my head hurts."

He went to get his bag from his office. He went to take my blood pressure and temperature – he first a little bit lower and the second one bit higher than normal.

"Sorry, sweat pea but you officially got a cold."

"Uhg … I've never been sick like this. Hurt yes but never sick."

"Well there's a first to everything and standing barefoot in the rain with temperatures near the freezing point will do that to you." So they told him. "Sorry."

"Don't be. I can see why you did it. But still next time just call him back in, okay? Your mother's gone on a little shopping spree with the girls, but I think I can manage to make some soup. You are to rest, got it?"

When he came back he had a steaming pot of soup in his hands that just smelled wonderful. In the other he had an empty plastic bowl. I looked at him questioningly but he just gave me the soup I slugged down like I hadn't had food for a week.

It wasn't really that hot so I didn't bother until the moment I put the bowl down. I felt my stomach grumble. I turned over to Dad holding the bowl out for me. He put it aside after I only kept coughing.

He helped me get up to my room so I could brush my teeth and lay down on the bed. I soon fell asleep afterwards and dreamed the same dream like the week before when Jasper used my feelings to prank the others.

This time I too was screaming something but I still couldn't understand what this all meant. I must have been lashing out too, because as I woke up Dad was sitting at ma side and holding my arms down.

"Whoa there sweat pea, what got you upset like this." I told him what I remembered of my dream but he as well couldn't make out what this would be about.

The next two days were spent in bed with Dad hovering over me until Jasper and Mum and the girls would come home. The whole time I couldn't keep anything inside my stomach so Dad really started to worry. At least the fever was down again.

On the third day I just tried to eat some dry toast and finally wasn't throwing it up again as I heard Jasper, Edward and Emmet bursting through the door downstairs shortly followed by Mum, Alice and Rosalie.

Dad informed them of the situation at hand and from that moment on I wasn't allowed to do anything by myself. I didn't care I was still too weak to even complaint but a week and a half later I deemed he healthy by Dad so I fell asleep that night knowing I could go on that shopping trip tomorrow Rose and I planned awhile ago.

**Okay I'm really in the mood of writing today**

**Hope you enjoy**

**Hoping for reviews.**

**And of course warm greetings to y'all!**


	21. Yes, I am !

Please not that dream again. I'm just not getting it. Well maybe this time there will be more to see.

_Same old, same old. What am I telling you, Jazz that's making you so mad? And why does Rose fight with you and not me? _

'_I never asked to be Rose. I won't let that happen!' Wait there's something in your hand._

_What? Why is he holding a bib? Did I give you that, but that would mean that I'm …? No way! I can see it now. My hands rest protectively on my slightly plumper belly._

_He tears the bib apart and throws it at my feet, before he leaves the house not looking at me once_.

Oh my god. What if I'm really and that's not just a dream. We never talked about things like that and remembering what I saw of his past he never was near any kids. He never had a reason to also but still. What if he really thinks like that.

"Bella?" Oh no. He must have felt me and judging and by the look in his eyes he knows it's directed at him. "Bella, love, you alright? What got you …?"

"**Nothing!** I'll go get ready. Could you tell Rose to wait for me I'll be down in a few and tell Mum I'll get something to eat at the mall, okay?"

He hesitated but went anyway with my fearful gaze following him out the door. Afterwards I grabbed the first outfit I could find, not bothering whether it matched or not and got ready.

I run down the stairs not tripping for once and practically dragged Rose out to the car and hurried her to go.

When we finally reached the parking lot of the mall she stopped the car and looked expectantly at my still crying form. "I know it Rose. My dream. I know what it meant."

"And? It can't be that bad. Whatever it is I think you're surely just over …"

"Oh no. I'm not. Although I know it's not real, it just frightened me to no extend. My 17th birthday is a lame joke compared to that. For me at least. This would hurt me more."

Rose now was looking afraid too. They all knew what happened back then and none of them could think of something more evil, so I told her what happened in my dream, why I was so afraid of Jasper, because with that one sentence he would be able to break me beyond repair.

"Oh my … Okay. First of all is it even possible for you to be pregnant. I mean yes you had sex but you told me you weren't capable to … and he's a vampire after all, so … oh …"

"What? Why are saying 'oh'? That's a bad 'oh', isn't it."

"Well that depends on the way you see it. You remember when we told you about the change and everything and how the venom repairs any damage done to your body.

We never threw in how our saliva isn't the only venomous body fluids.

Maybe that night it wasn't only your psyche that got a bit repaired. Then maybe you weren't really sick this past week but showing first signs."

"Oh god, Rose, what if's this real. I don't know how to tell him. And what if he really reacts like in my dream. We never talked about that. It never was an issue and normally it would never have been. I can't do that. Rose you have to help me, please."

I was crying again, while Rose was desperately thinking of a way to help me.

"Okay. First of all we are to find out whether this has to be an issue. I think there's a pharmacy in there. We'll go there and buy a stupid pregnancy test – maybe more just to make sure. You take them and then we will plan from there on, okay?"

I nodded, dried my eyes and followed her into the mall. She bought six tests for me and led me to the restrooms. The following five minutes were purely one of the most torturous of my life.

"Please Rose. Can you take a look? I can't do this now."

She went over to the sink and turned test after test. The half sad – half happy smile she gave me declared the result. I indeed was pregnant.

I couldn't move, couldn't think. For the moment there was only shock and fear, because of the dream, but somewhere deep down in my heart I felt joy. Pure and all overtaking joy. Feeling this made me even forget that stupid dream and slowly but steadily a smile was creeping on my face.

Rose of curse saw, came rushing to me and we both started jumping hand in hand like two 14 year old, who just got told that their school crush's wanted to go to prom with them.

"I can't believe I'm really pregnant. I always wanted to have kids but thought I never would after everything that happened. Oh my god Rose I … I … I just got the best idea of my life."

I packed up the tests and dragged Rose behind me through the mall. Last time I was here I saw a shop that was selling baby clothing, they even got those silly T-Shirts saying 'Best Aunt' and things like that.

Rose saw where I was going and soon we both were drowning on baby clothing searching for the right fabrics.

We got little onesie's saying:

Best Uncle (for Emmet and Edward each),

Best Aunt (for Alice and of course Rose each),

My Daddy loves me (for Jasper),

My Granny loves me (for Mum) and My Gramps loves me (for Dad)

God I felt so silly but I just couldn't stop smiling the whole way back home. Rose was the same, but when the house came in sight I wasn't that sure anymore as the fear from this morning came back. Not that strong but it was still there underlining all this happiness.

Rose recognized my mood swing immediately, so she led me to the back of the house and led me in the woods motioning for Jasper to follow. When we were out of hearing range of the others we sat down and waited for Jasper to come. He fell back while we were walking. I think he did it to take read on our feelings and partly for us to prepare.

When he came through the wood I started silently crying again but was smiling the same time. He of course felt the fear and the happiness. Rose was gently nudging me forward. "Just give it to him. You already know the worst to happen. I'll be here for you no matter what."

She was right. I did imagine the worst already. Come on Bella, get this over with. So I took the onesie I chose for him and just gave it to him.

He kept looking at me quizzically but all I was looking at was the onesie in his hands, so he looked down too.

The moment he realized what he was holding his face snapped back up to look at me with wide eyes. It was the most surprised face I ever saw on him.

"Does that mean you're …?" I just nodded.

"And I'm gonna be …?" Again I just nodded.

"Are you sure?" Instead of just nodding this time I showed him the tests I took only an hour ago. He looked at them and before I could do anything else he grabbed my face and kissed me senseless. There was so much love and joy laid in this one single kiss.

"You just made me the happiest man alive or undead. Whatever. Since when do you know and was that the reason you've been that afraid this morning?"

"Only since this morning and yes it was the reason."

"Why?" It was clearly saddening him that I had felt this way towards him so I told him what I saw just like I told Rose before. We talked for a few more minutes until my grumbling stomach told me I forgot to get him fed.

"Sound like someone is demanding food, doesn't it?"

"Well it sure does. I'll have to eat for two for who knows how long."

"Don't worry, love. We'll ask Dad about it. He'll know what to do. He got the day off today and the others too are home. It's winter break after all."

"That's good I've got presents for them as well. So please hide your thoughts from Edward, okay?" They both kept grinning like maniacs but nodded anyway. So made our way back home.

The rest of the family already waited for us in the living room. They were worried too, of course. Okay, I hope they'll be as happy as Rose and Jasper.

"What are you two hiding from me and Jasper you know I hate that song. It doesn't change just because you sing it in Russian." Before Jasper could answer him I spoke up.

"Okay, now that everyone is aware that there is a surprise waiting, you are to close your eyes and reach your hand out. And remember keep them close until I tell you to open them. You know how my surprises work."

They did as asked with the exception of Rose and Jasper of course. I draped the onesie's in their hands so they could read the words when opening their eyes. But instead of just telling them to open their eyes I slowly walked over to the kitchen.

"You don't have to wait for long. When I'm finished talking you can open your eyes. Oh and Mum do you mind making me some lasagna. I forgot to get something at the mall and am really hungry. I'm really _craving_ it since I'm eating _for two_ now, you know?"

"No problem honey … Wait! What did you say?" she threw an incredulous look to the onesie in her hand before coming to me. Alice was joining her soon after and we did the same Rose and I did in the restrooms of the mall.

After that the others too came to congratulate me and Jasper until my stomach cried for attention again and making Mum remember the promised lasagna.

After I ate me ad Jasper drove with Dad to the hospital to get some proper tests and an ultrasound done. You could even already see a small point on the screen, indicating that there indeed was a live growing inside of me, before we knew the test results.

Oh my, that has to be the happiest day of my life.

**I really don't know what's going on today but that's the 4****th**** chapter today**

**I really hope you enjoy it like I do. ****Hoping for reviews**

**And of course warm greetings to y'all!**


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